About two and a half years ago, an acquaintance who was having a casual fling brought his affair to the cigar club. Which, as it turned out, and everyone could have told him had we been asked or thought to even bring the matter up, was an incredibly bad idea. His relationship with her was too superficial, and by showing her off he created the false impression in her and everyone else's mind that she was "the one".
Which, alas, she wasn't.
She showed up several more times, looking for him.
All in all it was a triumph of optimism over reality on both of their parts.
Like many people, neither of them understood the operative paradigm, though the average wild-animal couple -- lions, for example, or many species of bird -- could have explained it clearly.
'Friend - Companion - Co-conspirator - Cuddlepuss - and F*ck buddy'
Sorry for the blunt terminology, but that really is the perfect term, and though coarse, it expresses what it is. Those five facets together are what make a perfect couple and an ideal relationship.
All of them can exist separate from each other, of course, but the first three more so than the last two. The range from 'co-conspirator' to 'f*ck buddy' is best kept under wraps, because that is just the way society functions.
Just because you're happy to be humping someone does not mean that you should share it; sometimes it is far better to just shut the F up.
We do not need to know, and we do not want to know.
Unless you're selling tickets.
Even then.
Please do not casually discuss your shenanigans with your friends, nor with whom you rob banks or blow up monuments. And all things being equal, we would rather that you don't bring that person to the hangout or meetings of Hello Kitty Freaks Anonymous, if that's all you two have in common, as assumptions which are unfounded may (will) be made.
At the very least, it puts us in an inconvenient spot.
"We thought they were the best of friends; we had no idea that they secretly sold stolen beef to mobsters but hated each other's guts!"
See? An illicit business relationship complicates things. We might include you in a midnight pizza run or a trip to Cuba when you two should absolutely not be breaking bread together.
Contrary to what shows like Sex And The City or Real Housewives may suggest, details of one's intimacies must not be bandied about.
Even Seinfeld was too casual about that, to say nothing of the public lives of celebrities and politicians.
In some ways Mulder and Scully (The X Files) were the perfect example. Always together, and often working in perfect sync, yet never smoochie-woochie. There was nothing even remotely suggesting that they were anything but perfect gentlepersons towards each other and vis-à-vis everyone else with whom they came in contact.
I mention all of this, because I really did not want to hear about the purple third nipple. It did not add anything to my life, nor contribute one single iota of meaningfulness or value to that casual conversation at the check-out stand. Seriously, if the young lady manning the cash register had been listening in, she would have blushed and started stuttering.
And she would have considered us both pervy.
Please don't do that to me.
She's kinda cute.
Who are you, anyway? I've never remembered your name.
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A LACK OF PROPELLANT
Rereading my old posts reminds me that I used to be immoderate. And at times over the top. I've calmed down and grown up since then. Now...
5 comments:
I thought you shy away from writing the word "F*ck".
Normally, yes. But it's a very suucinct term, and the term 'f*** buddy' is in common parlance.
*succinct
When you say "f*ck" do you mean "fuck"? I just want to be clear here.
Yes. When I wrote f*ck I actually meant the F verb.
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