THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE

Silly me. It took me this long to figure out that the pronunciation is "baynor", not "boner". Now that he's been mentioned on the Daily Show.
Honestly, I had no idea.

You see, I do not watch the news. Or Fox.

This blogger reads about events.

I seldom watch TV.


Years ago I would purchase two or three English-language newspapers every day, plus one or two of the Chinese newspapers, and retire to a Chinatown bakery or coffee shop to devour them entirely, while getting high as a kite on constant refills.

I no longer do that.

Three things happened to interdict that valiant effort at literacy concerning affairs of the world.

The internet took off like a rocket.

Smoking was outlawed indoors.

Newspapers faltered.


Oh, and somewhere along the line I discovered girls, of course. Nipples are infinitely more fascinating than editorials, and you can twiddle them, which if you tried doing that to an editorial would not yield nearly the same startling results. That's just how it is. Nipples 1, editorial columns 0.
I'm probably not alone in that conclusion.

It would be very nice if you could still light up a pipe while at a comfortable coffee shop or bakery with fresh pie, unfold your newspaper, and read well-written articles rich with data and import. Newspapers, alas, have become the junkfood of newsgrazing, and television programmes are on the whole a poor substitute for the editorial page.

The less said about Fox, the better.

At least nipples have remained much the same.

At least I assume so; I haven't seen any in quite a while.

Maybe they too have been replaced by the internet while I slept.


I would love confirmation regarding the nipples, but I shall not watch Fox to find out. And Fox, of course, was where the received pronunciation of mister Boehner's name originated, because a television channel catering to the blinkered ignorant religious nuts in the deep south could not possibly pronounce a word that sounded obscene.

It really should be 'beu-ner', like Dutch "beunhaas", with the tightlipped 'oh' sound ("Ö"), the exact same vowel as in "Österreich", "schön", or "größ".
It's really not hard; pretend you have a stick stuck somewhere.
Puritanic Southerners can pronounce 'boner'.
They just can't ever say it.

Böner, böner, böner!


Anyhow, now that he's leaving, I've finally figured out how most people pronounce his surname. All this time I had been saying 'boner'.

We'll miss him. He may have been irrationally rightwing, but at least he was a gentleman; many of his party members are total dicks.

He'll have more time to spend with his family now.
All the little böners.

Good luck, John.
Enjoy the peace and quiet.


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I wonder if Fox ever says the word 'nipple'?
Or how on earth they pronounce it.
It is a lovely word.




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