PIPE SMOKERS AND THEIR SUITABILITY AS COMPANIONS

A few weeks ago someone suggested that pipe smokers made better lovers. Naturally, being a pipe smoker, I was all ears. I likewise think that pipe smokers are thus. Better companions, at the very least.
Unfortunately I was not what the speaker had in mind.
Besides which, it was a male who said that.
I am NOT hot on my own gender.

We pipe smokers often take a back seat to the cigar crowd, who tend to overcompensate. Many cigar smoking men are "special", and may feel themselves less manly if they aren't waving around a large wad of rolled-up dry leaves. Male cigar smokers habitually confuse item A with object B.
Pipe-smokers will gladly yield the floor to the deranged individual.
Whatever those guys want does not concern us.
Our preferences are not theirs.

If a cigar smoker is a heterosexual male, rather than focusing on the intellect of the lady that caught his eye, more likely than not he will obsessively appreciate her bosom, to the exclusion of nearly everything else, perhaps excepting her hair colour if she happens to the blonde.
If he's homosexual, other parts of the packet come into play.

Naturally none of this holds for female cigar smokers.
Who may have a preference for Nicaraguans.
And ignore any ooing males.


"A young lady who not only likes the smell of good pipe tobacco but actually indulges in it herself is infinitely charming. A woman who smokes pipes will never want for friendship; her company is magnetic and energizing."

[SOURCE: Pipesmoking aids intellectual development..]


Pipe smokers, on the other hand, of either gender or preference, tend to be more interested in someone's conversational abilities. Reason being that if they can talk well, there is less chance of our pipe going out.
Let the other person speak, we'll happily listen.
And thoughtfully puff once in a while.
As a result, the pipe stays lit.

An agreeable social exchange is far more conducive to mutual good times (and especially the enjoyment of a pipe) than a contentious and rowdy dickwaving competition with opinionated cheroot-huffing yutzes.
One just cannot enjoy a smoke in their company.


All of this came to mind the last time I was near a collection of typical cigar aficionados. Their opinions were remarkable for the ignorance and downright stupidity on which these were based.

If there is ANY group that needs the gentling and humanizing presence of women, it is such people. Unfortunately women tend to avoid them.

Especially cigar smoking women.

Which is very wise.


IN CONCLUSION

So, if you were wondering whether you should date a pipe smoker, the answer is yes. Yes you should. Pipe smokers are intelligent and caring individuals, capable of deep insight, and remarkably broadminded and tolerant. They are sensitive to other people's needs, and extremely thoughtful. Both depth and perspective, mixed with humanism.
They'll remember anniversaries and birthdays.
And they are remarkably mellow.

Except for smokers of aromatics and Gandalf pipes.
Those people are complete degenerates.
Jesus do they have issues.
They're scum.



AFTERWORD

Tomorrow I shall be around cigar smokers for most of the day.
I'm already mentally prepared for it; can you tell?
Don't worry, I won't pick any fights.

TOBACCO INDEX


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