REGULARLY REVOLVING SWIMMING NUTS

There's that phrase again! It's disturbing. Why is an unprintable Cantonese expression denoting a sneering rejection of everything the other person stands for, a complete unwillingness to accept matters between two people, a growled acknowledgement of enmity, being uttered with such conviction?
Who has offended, how did they merit this?

A returning of dried oysters.

It may just be an old-school Toishanese expression.
Possibly even obscure in every civilized tongue.
How surprising that the speaker knows it!

There's an argument going on in my apartment mate's room.



It involves the teddy bear, the little black kitty, and the she-sheep, who is often the enforcer or remonstratrix in chief when the other stuffed animals get all rowdy. Remarkably, most of the critters seem to have a command of Cantonese cussing and insults.

The blue-faced sheep (not the she-sheep) has at times told me he will do unmentionable things with my "pai gwat" (short ribs). Or irritably exclaimed "pu neige hoohah". He will "pu" my "hoohah". He does not clarify what the verb ("pu") means, nor what he presumes a "hoohah" to be. He's a rude little blister at times, but still very innocent.
If he knew what I take a "hoohah" to be, he would blanch.
And wail that I was a filthy-minded old dude.
Which I gladly admit that I am.

I haven't seen hoohah in so long I'd probably throw cloves of garlic at it, and let in the sunlight.


"FAN NEI GE HO-SI!"

反你嘅蠔豉

It was the voice of the little black kitty, who seems to think that everyone is so mean to her, because no one will serve her or obey her commands. As the world's most beautiful kitty, she deserves slavish attention, but we're all too stupid to realize that. Or deliberately evil.

She probably doesn't know what "dried oyster" (蠔豉 'ho si') means in that phrase. She must have heard it somewhere. Probably in my apartment mate's room, as my apartment mate is, in fact, a person of Cantonese extraction, though American by birth.

In some contexts, ho-si is the same as hoohah. But unlike hoohah, ho-si can be added to rice porridge, along with lean pork, for a remarkably yummy breakfast.

I think reference was also made to a German midget with lederhosen. Possibly the raccoon: Gunther, an alumnus of Heidelberg.


Many of the beasts next door not only have foul mouths, but rich inner lives. What with being 'reality impaired'.


Having been dragged from the company of Morpheus by the racket in the room next door, my thoughts for the first several minutes were all about ho-si.
Actually, if it weren't for the recurring mental echo of accordion music, or the imaginary oompah band in my head, all my waking thoughts would be about ho-si. The advantage of achieving maturity is that eventually there are other thoughts.
In addition to ho-si.


天不怕，地不怕，只怕台山人說台山話。


Maybe the hoohah connotations of ho-si explain why one cannot easily find rice porridge with lean pork and dried oysters beyond Chinatown. The restaurant owners, perhaps understandably, are afraid that it will excite the bestial passions of middle-aged white men. All of a sudden we'll become red-eyed and grow claws and fangs.

Next thing you know, we'll be ripping off our stylish cravats, and egg-nogging complete strangers in the street.

Scandalous!


They need not worry.

I've survived perfectly well for five long draggy years of bachelorhood with nary a trace of hoohah, ho-si, or even egg-nogg.
I know how to behave in public.
I am a gentleman.



It is, never-the-less, disquiting to hear the term 'ho-si' mentioned in the other room. Especially because I rarely make rice porridge for myself.
It takes hours to prepare, and when I want it, I want spontaneity.





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