GUEST POST: BENJAMIN WALKER AND HIS DATING PROBLEM

The following is reproduced as a public service announcement, highlighting the dangers many men such as myself face when approaching the opposite sex. Normal men -- men who can talk about casual subjects such as foot or baseball, and scandals involving celebrities, for instance -- will never suffer like we do.


Begin cite:

AREA MAN INTIMIDATES WOMEN

MILWAUKEE—Describing his mind as both “a blessing and a curse,” local man Benjamin Walker, 27, told reporters Thursday that his intellect was probably just too intimidating for most women to engage with romantically.

“I’m a very, very smart guy, and I guess most women are pretty scared off by that, you know?” said Walker, confirming that women often seem extremely uncomfortable and agitated around him, most likely because of how cultured and well-read he is. “After I’ve been speaking to a girl for just a few minutes, she’ll usually start to get this look in her eyes like she wants to bolt and I can just tell that she’s feeling so intellectually inferior that it’s impossible for her to continue with the conversation.”

“Which is understandable,” Walker added. “I am able to speak confidently and at length about a wide range of subjects, so it’s probably hard for most women to follow along.”

According to the Milwaukee resident, whenever he is talking to a young woman and begins to expound at length on one of the many topics he is well versed in—such as Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers or the British graffiti artist Banksy—she begins to appear highly overwhelmed by his mental capacity and quickly grows visibly restless and distant.

Walker, who acknowledged that his imposing cleverness and quick wit likely caused women to feel insecure about not being as smart as he is, confirmed that females frequently displayed an averse reaction to his impressive mind by noticeably “checking out” of the conversation or attempting, no doubt in fear and awe, to exit the discussion as quickly as possible.

The 27-year-old, who graduated from Syracuse University in 2007, told reporters that he subscribes to The New Yorker magazine and keeps up with the news on a daily basis—all facts that Walker said seem to persistently leave the opposite sex speechless when he inserts them into conversation.

“I should really be more careful, I suppose, because I can see that my intelligence can be a major hindrance to meeting women, most of whom are probably looking for a guy with a more ordinary or slowed-down intellect—you know, someone more on their level,” said Walker. “Sometimes, after talking to a girl at a party, for instance, I will try to approach her again and she’ll purposefully avoid eye contact with me, just so she doesn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of contending with my staggering mental faculties.”

“It’s tough, because I really try my best to relieve their anxiety and say, ‘Hey, look, don’t sweat it, I’m used to people not being able to keep up with my mind,’” added Walker. “But that never seems to help. They’re too petrified by that point.”

Admitting that his remarkable mind can make him appear unapproachable, Walker told reporters that he has even taken to downplaying his formidable intellect during first dates in order to put women at ease, employing tactics such as talking slower or briefly pausing to allow his conversational partners time to process the information that he imparts at a breakneck pace.

Ultimately, however, Walker said there was only so much he could do to lower his cognitive standards to another’s level.

“Recently, for example, I talked to this girl at a bar for half an hour about Radiohead—quoting lyrics and telling her about how the band went in a new musical direction with [their 2000 album] Kid A—you know, really making it easy for her to understand,” Walker said. “Things were going great, and I was saying a lot of very interesting stuff, but when I tried to call her a few days later, she never picked up or returned my calls.”

“And it’s like, look, I’m a sophisticated guy, I like sophisticated music,” Walker added. “If you can’t get that, then there’s nothing I can do for you.”

Walker confessed that at the past few parties he has attended, his profound sagacity pushed women toward less intellectually arresting men.

“Unfortunately I sometimes puzzle women with my lofty comments and thought-provoking remarks, and that drives them right into the arms of complete dopes because that’s less scary for them,” said Walker. “You know, the kind of guys who can barely string together 10 words before resorting to asking a girl about her hobbies or what she does for a living. It’s like, what’s the point? Is that even a conversation?”

“And this is why I’ve never really been in a long-term relationship before, because the girls I’m with tend to get frustrated with their inability to think on my level,” the 27-year-old continued. “In the end, I think the problem is that they want to be with me because of my exceptional wit, but they eventually realize that I’m just too deep.”

End cite.

[SOURCE: L’oignon ]


It's an important problem. This blogger, for one, thoroughly empathizes with mr. Walker, who may end up childless and alone because of his enormous intellect.

Many's the time I have been left by myself in a bar or at a social event, while everyone else is happily talking about Trump's latest brilliant idea, or what the Giants did recently, or even Ferraris, Bugattis, Teslas, and other urban pick-up truck substitutes. The lack of import and meaning in all of those subjects leaves me handicapped conversationally, and if their inane chatter, happy though it is, goes on too long, I will yawn.

Seriously. Several of the women I know scream loudly and without warning at the television set at the cigar bar. This is very distressing, especially when I am letting fly a bon mot or well-plotted witticism.

So I know the pain that Benjamin Walker is going through. It is horrible.
I would suggest to him that he have his sperm frozen, and if all else fails leave it to science.


It's better than seeding the neighborhood with small vials of it.



NOTE: Article lifted in its entirety, minus the illuminating photo showing him striking out, to highlight the urgency of the problem.
Act now (!) to alleviate the suffering.
Operators are standing by.



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