I AM SURROUNDED BY DEPRAVITY!

Upon my return home, I was informed that the small headsheep was very pleased with himself. Being, as he himself insists, the very acme of fabulousnessessessess!
None of the other stuffed critters even come close.

I was also informed, at very great length, by the one-legged monkey, that the head sheep had thirped everywhere all day long. Thiiirrrrrrp!

"Leaving a trail of sheep slime all over the place ... "

It is shocking that none of the other roomies stepped in and put a stop to that disgusting behaviour. They're of no help at all. The sheepess assured me that she had been "observing the subject in his natural environment", and that it would be unprofessional for her to step in.

She's quite happy keeping a safe distance from her adoptive brother while he thirps on my blankets and books.


"Thirp thirp thirp. Thiiiirrrrp!"


The monkey insisted "well I ain't touching it, it be nasty!"

And yes, my bed is nasty. For one thing, one entire side of the bed is overloaded with books and small furry creatures. For another thing, there's only one human who ever sleeps in the book-free section on the right-hand side, that being me.  Which is quite nasty, to my mind.
There should be someone else there.
Admittedly in this hot weather the extra body warmth provided by another human would be slightly uncomfortable -- far more appropriate during the cooler part of the year, positively comfy or cozy during winter when the rain comes blattering down -- but I cannot tell you how welcome it would be.

Really, I cannot tell you. Modesty forbids it.

Besides, as you can imagine, it would require much discussion and burgeoning familiarity, a developing relationship that starts with friendship and goes from there, testing various categories of water with delicate toe-dips, ascertaining the mutual desirability and opennesses, compatibility screening procedures, time together at coffee shops and eateries, perhaps a romantic dinner for two at In-N-Out Burger, finding out whether the smell of pipe-tobacco was either more than acceptable OR an insurmountable barrier. As well as a suitable candidate.

Step one, necessarily, is finding someone.

Which, unfortunately, may have to wait until I make the sheepess a little white lab coat, so that she will be an official researcher while "observing the subject in his natural environment". She's trying to catalogue all the symptoms, you see. And whether there is any discomfort, or a course of treatment becomes recommended. Strong measures may be necessary!

She believes the ailment is headquartered in his nether regions.

Perhaps because she doesn't know what Asperger is.

Apparently it involves trails of slime.

All over my bed.





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