I'M SMOKING!

Frankly, I can't stand pot. It smells bad, the claim that it is therapeutic is mostly a load of codswallop, and pot-heads need to be put on the special bus and driven out of town.

This, more or less, was the thought that crossed my mind when a friend mentioned a band of which you may have heard: The Grateful Dead.

For craps sakes, folks, that bunch of superannuated dopers had their golden age when patchouli was still in vogue! If y'all weren't zoned out of your minds on ganj, you'd realize that nearly half a century has passed since they started! What, you're amazed at how time has flown? Get your heads out of that smelly cloud of tetrahydrocannabinol, welcome to the real world, have some coffee!

And take a bath.


As you may have gathered, caffeine is one of my drugs of choice. Most pot-smoking degenerates I know abjure coffee, as well as tea. And have queer-ass ideas about tobacco, sugar, gluten, animal protein, dairy, digestion, and personal cleanliness.

I do not allow pot-smokers into the house.
Unfortunately I know a few.

They're "sub-functional".


The sixties were ghastly, the seventies even worse, and the eighties were probably the foulest decade in post-war history. That anyone wishes to recreate the energy of those dark times is, frankly, sick.


On the other hand, the nineties and two-thousands were pretty cool.


Snoop Dog, man, Snoop Dog!


Plus The Beastie Boys, Radio Head, and Nirvana.


Justin Bieber grew up on The Dead. All the dumb-ass Republicans you hate partied to their music, got wasted, and committed depravity with the drugged-out sisters of classmates while listening to Jerry Garcia.
Ronald Reagan, suicide, and syphilis were common results.
Damned pot-smoking freaks.

People who STILL listen to The Grateful Dead are mentally covered with acne. They regret never banging the high school cheerleader, or conversely not being the high school cheerleader. Sometimes, both.

Marijuana; it's the gateway drug to senescence.

Instead: Caffeine, nicotine, and cane sugar.

I'm a doctor; I can say these things.

Good morning, world.

Bath time.



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