SMART, INVENTIVE, AND STYLISH

Being a middle-aged man, I've probably seen it all. From ripped jeans and bell-bottoms to miniskirts, push-up bras, and eraser head tees. Boot-cut, low-cut, and super-tight. Wide lapels, and mother-of-pearl snaps. Apparently all of that stuff came back in the last decade, so you've seen it too.
Clothing, in any season, is frequently more about "attitude" than trying to create a favourable and not particularly glaring impression on strangers.


What I cannot fathom, however, are TWO things:
1. Young men who wear their pants so low that their baggy boxers are nearly fully exposed.
2. Women who have electric pink and black leopard spot leggings. Or any other kind of screaming in-your-face leggings.


For the first type, I would ask how they intend to run from the cops once they're caught committing petty vandalism or making a drug sale.

For the second, the question is "what?"

As in "what the heck?", or "what on earth?"

Especially if they do not have the physique and age appropriate to showing off their figure and curves. Sure, that's a sexist opinion, and people should be free to express themselves with any clothing that pleases them.
Which is why I just might wander around the city wearing only a lime green speedo and a batman cape.

What, you think that's a bad idea?

Freedom of expression has limits?

Common sense rears its ugly head?


Hmmmm, maybe we hadn't thought of it that way.


Best go with the lab coat and the clean, though rumpled, slacks.
Less likely to get picked up by the bomb-squad.


AFTERTHOUGHTS

If you want to inspire an afternoon of mad, passionate love, it's probably far better not to dress in a way that suggests that you're just mad.
Personally, this particular old perv finds women who dress like well-brought-up young librarians incredibly attractive, but form-fitting leggings make me weep.
The great advantage of decent clothing is that there is so much that it doesn't say. You could be a secret nympho, OR you might be heading over to some soul-deadening bible-study with the stern elderly wife of the local Methodist pastor. The cops won't have an urge to arrest you for public indecency (manfully resisted; they know you're nuts), and the local yobbos won't mutter "hubba hubba hubba" under their breath.
You could even be heading to the nearby library to do research on the Venerable Bede. Either for a class on Anglo-Saxon history, or a dissertation. In the latter eventuality, think 'university press'.

If a saucy lace bra was slightly visible through the thin cotton of your blouse, I wouldn't think any less of you. It's obviously comfortable, and I really shouldn't be observing such details so keenly.
Because you are undoubtedly a good girl; you're dressed like one.

People with clean modest clothing are just so much more exciting.

Whereas those skin-tight glittery silver-tone zebra stripe yoga pants strongly suggest "crack ho". Even if, and perhaps especially if, you're a middle-aged housewife buying vegetables on Stockton Street.



NOTE: The title of this post is taken from a test I took on buzzfeed:
"Which Muppet Are You?".
It turns out that I am Doctor Bunsen Honeydew. Who is described as "smart, inventive, and stylish". Yep, that's me. Totally.

If you are also Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, we should meet. We have so much in common. We might even be a perfect couple.
You'd probably look stunning in a lab coat.



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