Much as I do not wish to rub it in, some of you live in truly horrid places.
It has to be said. You do.
And it's really your own fault. Bad karma.
If you live in Spain or France, you had a horrible storm over the weekend.
If you are on the East-Coast, you are intimately acquainted with snow. Deep freezing piles of it. You've had quite the winter, haven't you?
And you Western Europeans, speaking of winter, have really caught it in your long johns.
We haven't had anything like that.
This past weekend was extremely mild.
Warm even.
The yellow acacias are blooming, earlier than ever before. Their anise-like perfume fills the air, carried on a soft breeze. It is very dreamlike.
MILD WEST-COAST WEATHER
Last night, when I left the house for a nightcap, it was warm enough that I did not need a jacket.
So warm, in fact, that there was a lovely naked woman on my bed.
Normally, that woman is IN the bed, wearing jammies, and bellyaching about the cold. But it was far too warm for either of those conditions in our apartment.
I like the change. I could get used to this.
TOO WARM TO EAT PEOPLE
She has hardly mentioned the snow-weasels at all this winter. Apparently the little critters, which she swears exist, haven't migrated south for the season this year. Snow weasels, as is well known (she says), follow trails down from Alaska to feast on warm juicy humans. She insists that the only reason I deny this fact(!) is because I am dry old toad - otherwise I would know!
The preferred victims of snow weasels are nice Cantonese-American girls.
Not cynical middle-aged white gits with bad habits.
This, too, is VERY WELL KNOWN!
When I hear the wind rattling the trees and agitating the window panes, she maintains that that is the sound of snow weasels, clacking their little cutleries and preparing to eat someone.
So cold, so cold!
COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stupid white man, why are you laughing!?!
As I mentioned, she reclined naked on the bed. She glowed. Beautiful indeed.
Had I not been a dry old toad, I should have stayed in.
Instead of going out for a drink.
If this pleasant weather continues, I will probably be at home more.
Much more.
Global warming has benefits.
So, to conclude (and rub it in again), you guys got snow. And wind. And ice. And hail. And storms. And all kinds of nasty.
We got naked women.
Neener, neener, neener.
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THEIR NATURAL HABITAT
There are more dogs in this neighborhood than children. One very rarely sees people walking their children outside when one is, hypothetical...
9 comments:
Oregon was pretty nice too this weekend. The thundercloud plums and the cherry trees are blooming, along with all the daffodils.
But instead of naked women, we had lots of children in costumes. Roughly 53 Queen Esthers, a few assorted animals, a couple Mordechais, and one very cheeky Vashti.
But of course, this was on the bima, not in the bed. :)
I also dressed up this weekend, in my spanking new Beth Medrash Gohova football sweatshirt.
A sports shirt from a school that has no sports team and whose students don't play sports, for a man who has no interest in sports.
Both ironic, and zen.
A lovely naked woman in your bed?
And you didn't DO anything about it? Are you alive, man? You chose likker over likkinger?
She's right - you are a dry old toad.
And denying the existence of snow weasels, besides being horrid heresy, proves it.
Bad toad! Bad! Bad!
I was walking down Van Buren street this morning - saw this and thought of your post!
ROTFL!
On a related note, the bread-product known in Chinatown as 雞尾包(kai-mei-bao) can be translated into English as either 'chicken ass buns' OR 'cocktail buns'.
I, of course, favour the first translation.
And when their fresh, they are very nice. Soft!
Chicken ass buns...them's good eatin'!
>A lovely naked woman in your bed?
>And you didn't DO anything about it?
BOTH was probably illustrating the Talmudic concept of "Pas BeSalo". Or in his case, hot Asian buns BeSalo. :)
Good one!
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