ORTHODOX JEWISH VAMPIRES

This morning Savage Kitten and I had a long talk about Jewish vampires. Pure speculation, of course, as such things do not exist - much like the snow weasels mentioned in a previous post (see here: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/03/please-stay-where-you-are.html ).

Obviously, if a Jew were a vampire, there would be complications.
Orthodox Jewish vampires would have all died out by now because of kashrus issues; the only Jewish vampires would have to be new age or reform - the kind of people who serve shrimp at a bar mitzvah, so hardly any food limitations.
But still. Not very likely.

A person who spends all day asleep probably won't make a good shidduch.

How about inhalers, or allergies? Beiden zeinen seriyoze kashes!

Are Jewish vampires required to wear tzitzit? Kippot? What is the vampire-specific blessing during birkas hashachar - shelo asani dot dot dot ... ?

A cross would not work as prophylaxis (although remarkably it DOES work against Japanese vampires), and garlic might also be ineffacious, resulting only in a request for more paprika.
Best try cholent. Cholent has often been deadly.



THOSE PALESTINIANS!

What started the entire conversation was a large pizza bought from the new Palestinians around the corner.
That pizza was a horrible idea - it woke me up several times during the night.

I'll blame the Palestinians for my indigestion (far easier than taking personal responsibility).
It was those Pallies, they done it!

Evenso, it was a very good pizza; she had some too, and pronounced it excellent. The Palestinians make fine pie.
They're clean and hard-working, and we hope their business thrives.

Pizza and bourbon just are NOT the dinner of champions. I know this now.


BALKAN BELLY

Today, after she fixed herself breakfast, she asked what had happened to the leftover pizza.
I explained that at four o'clock in the morning I had put it in the garbage. It had sat out too long, and would consequently be far too iffy to eat.
We both remembered a tale of American tourists in the Balkans getting food poisoning from pizza. One of them had ordered a large pie to go, to take on the tour bus, where it sat on a hot seat throughout a long day. Ever so often one of the other travelers went to the back of the bus and took a slice. Americans just loooooove pizza, and food in parts of the Balkans doesn't resemble anything recognizable, let alone edible.
Pizza is magic, pizza is home.

Ooooooooooh, pizza!!!!!!

Food that has been sitting out in a warm climate for several hours is NOT a good idea. Even if it is soul-food, student kibble, and your favourite television snack. The tourists in the story ended up with food poisoning. Every single one of them made multiple trips to the bathroom that evening, often not in the nick of time.
The natives are probably still talking about 'those Americans'.

Savage Kitten wondered whether local vampires would have found the outsiders MORE appetizing - exotic foreigners with a high fat content - or LESS appetizing - funky because of their eating habits and inappropriate mixtures of meat and dairy.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

It was an interesting conversation.
That woman is way more intellectually active than I am at an early hour.
I simply wanted to go to the bathroom, she animatedly went on and on about vampires.
No more pizza for a while.