Monday, March 08, 2010

CANADIAN SEA-DOG EATERS

What, you are asking, is a sea-dog? Especially in this context?
No, it isn't another PETA-approved circumlocution for fish ("sea-kitten"), but the Dutch word for seal.
The Canadians plan to put sea-dog on the menu in the dining hall of the parliament, prepared with bacon and a port-wine reduction.
The Dutch, as exemplars of all that is good and fluffy in Europe, are outraged, nauseated, horrified, and appalled.

Per commentary underneath the articles in Dutch newspapers.


THEY EAT SEA-DOG! DISGUSTING!

In the eyes of many writers, Canadians are utterly barbaric, why, they're positively Yankee!
And consequently (because of that Yankee-like barbarism), it is right and proper to boycott Canada, write angry letters to their diplomats, scream at Canadians......
Well gosh-darn it, the Canadians are repulsive retrograde inbred morons, vile, filthy, despicable, and white.
Many Dutch people swear that they will never EVER buy anything Canadian again. Nor visit that poxy armpit of a country. EVER.
Because the Canadians eat seal.
Cooked with bacon in a port-wine reduction.


THE FOOD OF THE GODS

What is amusing is that this vituperation is coming from a people that eats smoked horsemeat ('paarden rook vlees'), finely ground cow udders and pig-testicles ('frikandel', as manufactured by the average village butchershop), mystery-meat sludge ('kroket' - usually less than thirty percent animal-derived protein in a grey starchy goo, enrobed with a crispy crunchy outer surface), spoiled lamb meat (ie "shawarma" - often actually pork, which is why the fine gentlemen selling it often won't eat it themselves - the Algemeen Dagblad in several articles over the years has established that whatever meat it is, it is usually not fit for consumption in any case), and several other food products that surely must convince the visitor that the Dutch have an 'interesting and idiosyncratic cuisine' that is entirely their own.
Plus questionable taste.


But nope.

"Canadians are nasty pigs! Savage daemonic pigs! Horrible frightful stone-age pigs! Unfeeling and unwashed brutal pigs! Uncivilized! Un-European!"


It seems rather graceless and ungrateful that the Cheesypoofs ('kaaskoppen') should vociferate so.

The Dutch always insist that it was the Canadians who freed them from the Germans, the Yanks did nothing, those Yanks only joined the war effort when it was immensely profitable to do so, after others had done all the work.......
Yep, the Canadians. The filthy rotten Yanks had NOTHING to do with the liberation of Holland, and probably conspired with the Germans before the war. ONLY the Canadians.

Horrid, horrid Canadians. Bah!

A nice seal chop with bacon and a port-wine reduction sounds absolutely delicious.
Probably goes very well with a crisp cold Heineken.
I really envy the Canadian parliamentarians.

6 comments:

merchant services said...

Don't leave out the Asians they eat dogs supposedly...

The back of the hill said...

Full of protein! And delicious! Had it in the Phillipines. Fried bony bits with a vinegar and garlic dipping sauce, the perfect accompaniment to San Miguel beer.

It's all part of the American influence over there. Beer, snacks, watching teevee.

Anonymous said...

...so a suicidal seal flops into the bar and says,"Give me a Candian Club."

....rimshot....

Kylopod said...

English gets all the best terms. We have the sea lion; the sea horse; the river horse (hippopotamus); the earth pig (aardvark); the sea cow (another word for a manatee); and, best of all, the sea cucumber!

Jewish Wedding Music said...

You can't be serious....

The back of the hill said...

Indeed, I am quite serieus.

As a Dutch-speaking American I have a mega chip on my shoulder against the Dutch (their attitudes towards us Yanks soured me long ago).
I'm frightfully fond of Canada, and I am a non-kashruskeeping omnivore.

I described a broadminded approach to edible animals here:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/01/eat-it.html
Clickably: OTHER SEA-KITTENS

Many creatures, if properly prepared, are quite good. Anything, if cooked by the average Dutchman or Briton, are likely less so. It is a quandary.

Search This Blog

THEY'RE GROOVY AND SENTIENT!

In many ways I am a severely disapproving sort. I dislike tattoos, piercings, patchouli, raggedy tee-shirts, potsmoking, public misbehaviour...