COME HERE, LITTLE GIRL, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CANDY?

I am still not sure why I joined Facebook several months ago. Was it because of peer-pressure? If so, it merely demonstrates what a wuss I am. Facebook is a social networking site - I am completely antisocial, and 'networking' to me is what spiders do. The flies they catch are that which is networked.
Lip-smacking must be the result of successful networking. Yes?


I actually rather like spiders - for creatures with a disturbing plurality of eyes, and a mouth that goes the wrong way, they have extraordinarily intelligent faces.
If they had only two eyes and smiled more, everybody would want one as a friend. We all want our friends to look nice.


Maybe I actually joined because I wanted to creep someone out. The daughter of a friend mentioned that most adults in social networking groups are perverts and deviants (well, she's a teenager, so she probably thinks that about all adults anyhow). And for some reason, that appealed to me.



"Hello Sweetie, candy?"


I like the idea of scaring juveniles. They startle so very nicely, squealing and screeching like abandoned infants at the merest boo. But the internet is not a very good medium for this. It is far better to hang out in bookstores wearing a flasher-coat, staring at them from the recesses of the law stacks, or while gliding on to the psychology - pathology section tightly clenching a copy of The Bell Jar.
Flap coat. Utter boo. "BOO!" Then watch the young nerdling start to cry.
Dee-licious!
I like them at that skittish age. So tender.


Bookstores are much better for creeping out the young than 'social networking sites'.



"See my real face, and look, I'm holding an actual book! Scary, huh?"


When you visit my facebook thingy, you cannot tell that I am wearing an evil coat. One with flaps and a vast interior. One in which I can hide you while spiriting you across state lines.


"What's that, officer? No, there isn't a teenager in here, I am very fat."


"Those extra legs? Why, I am just an innocent friendly spider, honest!"


I'll smile when I say that. Everyone likes smiling spiders.
Boo.