THERE IS NO ART IN THIS ALLEY

When you wake up with He Slept On His Arms All Night by The Vacant Lot running through your head, and your news feed is filled with Trump JR's Russian celebrity adoption mess, Hawaiian lava, candy-flavoured Vaginal Glitter, and a marijuana medical emergency in Nevada, there can be only ONE possible conclusion: The Jews done it.
It's wrong, but no matter.


Is Vaginal Glitter really what America has on its mind?

And should your vagina ever "sparkle"?


Let me just mansplain here that vaginas can be plenty interesting without a woman needing to do anything demented, like starting a sweet Hello Kitty flavoured space alien yeast factory down there. And furthermore, glitterizing or vajazzling the body part in question is enough to make a rational person of either gender realize with a sudden shock that they've made several bad decisions that evening and it's time to return to Jesus.
Marijuana may have had something to with that.
But it was probably too much beer.


This blogger is a severe puritan, who firmly believes that American beer is anathematic piss, and vaginas should not reek of cheap candy. That latter belief is NOT long-held, though. Until his feed got filled with Vaginal Glitter, he paid little attention to such things. And though a vaginal absence does weigh on his mind, he isn't likely to make rash decisions involving gelatin, starch-based edible glitter, gum arabic, zea mays starch and vege- table stearate, Budweiser, lava, weed, and Donald Trump Junior.



IMPORTANT LIFE HACKS

Avoid any dealings with Trump Jr., stay away from Russian celebrities, do not step in hot lava, and abstain from pot you damned hippies. And above all, NEVER insert sparkly sh*t in your cooch.

I shouldn't have to say this.




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