WARNING!

You are all familiar with warnings on certain products, yes?

The explanation that smoking causes cancer, bad breath, crooked teeth, pimples, idiocy...... As well as the stern advisement that pregnant women shouldn't drink alcohol...... or drive.

These are all comfortingly familiar texts.


While reading the fine-print on a cortizone ointment which I purchased for alleviation of a persistent skin-allergy, I found this bijou of a sentence:

DO NOT APPLY DIRECTLY TO ANUS!

Thank you so much for putting the idea into my head. I had heretofore not considered it.



It's the kind of soothing warning that, in my mind, belongs on many things. Toys. Cigars. Bottles of French wine. Type writers. Can openers. Opposable digits. Perfume.

Political flyers. Candidates. Editorials. This phone number: 415-992-7612.

Iguanas. Hamsters. Bubba Hotep.


I'm sure you can add many more things to the list. And I want you to do just that; underneath this post you will find a handy clickable link, which will take you to a comment form. Go ahead, type your suggestions there. Wax poetic. Let your imagination run riot. Free-associate.
Just do not apply direc......