WORLD NO TOBACCO DAY

May 31st. is World No Tobacco Day. Which of course I am appropriately celebrating. No, I shall not be attending a grand parade down on Main Street with American flags, gay bunting, and drum majorettes, plus floats and beauty queens or politicians in open-topped conveyances, but setting fire to the evidence. In all honesty, I wish we did all that for National Donut Day (which is this coming Friday), that being the ONLY holiday for the Dutch American community, marking our contributions to the culture and wellfare of this nation -- we invented the donut -- though sadly most people will ignore it entirely. Which is quite heartbraking. There are so many of us, forlorn about the ignorance and apathy, driving our unmarked vehicles through life and waiting by our unlisted numbers for the world to call.

I cannot understand why the beastly puritanical health freaks get an entire day. Surely just an hour of festivities marking their distaste for tobacco would be enough?


Donuts, on the other hand .....


Today I will be enjoying my pipe while hiding out. My apartment mate has the day off, which means I can't smoke indoors, but must go outside and skulk around the neighborhood, risking the opprobrium of little children and well-meaning hippies intent on pestering me into abstaining for the good of the planet, the immense improvement of which is held back by people like me and our evils. We probably don't recycle, and we still require plastic bags for our purchases.

We ripp the wings off little kittens, and flush during a drought.
We are why the world isn't healed.

Those poor, poor flightless kittens!


I am determined to enjoy World No Tobacco Day immensely. The pipe pictured above was in my mouth earlier, while early light crept into the nooks and crannies at the top of Nob Hill, the pipes shown below will probably be deployed between now and teatime.

Because San Francisco turns into a wind tunnel by late afternoon, I probably won't smoke between tea and nightfall -- a victory for the festering puritans -- so that I don't risk ruining a fine briar; strong breezes cause the burning cone to blaze, and lead to burn-outs -- but at twilight the gale lessens and civilized life returns.


I would rather be indoors.

TOBACCO INDEX


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