NEVER HEARD ENGLISH BEFORE?

Apparently I am not American. It's the way I talk. I've been told it rocks. In a frightfully horrible foreign strange weird un-American outsider maybe we should beat him up invasive repellently alien kind of way. Yeah, okay, no actual violence, but they did make a point of clearly expressing how downright commie I sounded. Dang boy you somekinda freak!

Oh, you're Dutch? That must be it. Urrapeen!

Must be a plot. Totally. Everyone else sounds American.

I've actually spoken English my entire life, written in it too, and I rather flatter myself that I'm pretty good at it. But I know that I should probably not vist Georgia, where two of them were from, or Louisiana (one of them), Florida (a number of other people), or North Carolina (one more person). Or any of the states that border those. Should probably stay out of Texas, Colorado, and Wyoming too.

I suspect they beat people up who sound like me there.

Or refuse us service at gas stations.

Californians don't as often ask me where I'm from, and more rarely in such an accusatory way. Maybe folks here are more used to a wider spectrum of English, maybe they don't even hear the outer space alien taking over God's own earth accent and diction, possibly they're also used to a multi-facetted vocabulary. Could also be that they're more educated.

I was born in California. I've been back here two thirds of my life.
We had American books and spoke English overseas.
Hamberders are my mother's milk.

I am a scaly monster. Tentacles.



Hide the children, dear, aliens are coming to steal our power mowers and gameboys!
Mars needs women. Vital juices. Fluoridization.
Mom, the pie, and baseball.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================