Tuesday, November 24, 2020

BUT DOES IT HAVE NACKENSTRECKUNG?

The way to eat reclining, or to drink in repose, is with mouth-centeredness and appropriate nackenstrekkung. Which tells you that I know strange experts on the internet. Computers have expanded our world immensely. The other day someone left a comment underneath a post written over a decade ago, when I was still sitting in my dark corner and waving gay banners and horrid effigies for attention. Which is what any blog is about, really.
There are over eigh billion people on this planet; four hundred of them, more or less, read this blog. So blogging hasn't been better for attention than wandering around naked with my private parts painted blue would have been. Though considerably less likely to get me locked up for seventy hour observation at SF General Hospital.

A victory, in other words.


Gnarfel said...
Man, it's been twelve years since you did this. Time to write another post like it.


This was underneath a post celebrating, if that's the right word, the creative life of Henry Darger, who lived like a good Catholic for several decades not attracting attention in a Chicago flop house, then died, whereupon the executors of his estate discovered that he was a genius. Having over the years written and illustrated a fifteen thousand page novel about a slave rebellion in outer space which will never be published.

His illustrations were ... quite perverse.

My essay was considerably less so.

In it I detailed several cocktails which are very suitable for festive occassions like Thanksgiving, when all your sickening relatives from Oklahoma fly out here to eat you out of house and home, infect you and several hundred other people with Covid, and fall asleep drunkenly in front of the television watching football, before going out to frenzy-shop at all the fabulous malls we have here. Leaving a disaster zone of epic proportions in your living room. I didn't mention it at the time, but I'm all about traditional family celebrations like that.

This Thanksgiving, like so many others that have gone before, I will be observing the holiday by spending a lot of time outside my home, because my apartment mate will be off work and hates my smoking. I'd rather be inside, but it's her place too, and sulking outdoors with a pipe and a pouch of tobacco is traditional at this point.
I am resigned to my fate.
Here then, are several of those cocktails, that will speed the process of getting uncle Blobbus and aunt Gherkintrude blitzed, as well as put all your horrid redneck cousins under the table. The less they are able to move, the fewer people they will offend or infect.
And note that several were suggested by readers.

I myself don't drink, but I've seen what happens.
It's nackenstreckungswürdig.


COCKTAILS


1. THE HENRY DARGER COCKTAIL

Two ounces Bourbon.
A Maraschino cherry.
A dash of Grenadine.
Ice cubes.

Put everything into a highball glass, top with a squirt of ginger ale. Two or three drops of bitters optional.


2. PINK PERFECTION

3 oz Gin.
2 oz Apricot Brandy.
2 oz Lemon juice.
Two large dashes of grenadine.

Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.


3. RUBY BLAZE

1 oz Vodka.
1 oz Cherry Brandy.
1 oz Noilly Pratt.
Small dash lime juice.
Small dash orange juice.
3 drops Angostura.

Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.
Add sliced lime and orange on the rim.


4. GREEN EYES

3 oz Vodka.
2 oz Blue Curacao.
4 oz Orange juice.
1 oz Lime cordial.

Put rocks in a pint glass. Pour in, in order given.
Garnish with an orange slice.


5. BLUE FIZZ

1 oz Blue Curacao.

Pour into a champagne flute, top up with iced champagne.


6. APRICOT SOUR

2 oz Apricot Brandy.
1 oz Lime juice.
Half oz Orange juice.
Half oz simple syrup.

Shake with ice, strain into a cocktail glass.
Add a cherry and a lemon peel.


6. COPPER CAMEL

1 oz Bailey's Irish cream.
1 oz Butterscotch schnapps.

Put ice in a lowball glass ('Old Fashioned Glass'), then pour in Baileys and schnapps in order given.


7. FLUFFY DOG

One ounce Cointreau orange liqueur.
One ounce Bailey's Irish cream.

Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.


8. RUM FLUFF

Two ounces Rum.
Two ounces Orange juice.
One ounce Crème de cassis.
Dash of grenadine.

Shake over ice and strain into a lowball glass. Garnish with a slice of lemon.


9. MARBLE CAKE SHOT

1 oz vodka
1 oz Crème de vanilla.
1 oz Crème de cacao.

Shake over ice and pour. Garnish with chocolate shavings.


10. PINK LADY

1 oz shot Gin.
Half oz Grenadine.
2 oz cream.

Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.
Garnish with a cherry.


11. GRASSHOPPER

1 oz green Crème de menthe.
1 oz Crème de cacao (clear preferred).
1 oz Heavy cream.

Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.


12. WHITE COTTON PANTIES

1 oz Butterscotch schnapps.
1 oz Vanilla vodka.

Shake over ice, pour into a cocktail glass, and garnish with a cherry.


13. SILK STOCKING

Two shots Tequila.
Same amount Cream.
One shot plus of Creme de cacao.
Jigger of Grenadine.


14. IRISH POPSICLE

Two ounces Bailey's Irish Cream.
Four ounces Orange juice.


15. RUM FLOOZY

Two ounces Rum.
Two ounces Orange juice.
One ounce Crème de cassis.
Dash of Grenadine.


16. APRICOT SOUR

2 oz Apricot Brandy.
1 oz Lime juice.
Half oz Orange juice.
Half oz simple syrup.


17. GREEN EYES

3 oz Vodka.
2 oz Blue Curacao.
4 oz Orange juice.
1 oz Lime cordial.



Yeah, I kind of hate Thanksgiving. I'd rather spend that day indoors. Reading, drinking tea, enjoying my pipe. Twiddling my toes. Warm. Dry. And no buggery football.


Nackenstreckungswürdigkeit.
It's a concept.



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