PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYER TWIDDLES A THUMB!

It has been a very full week, as far as news is concerned. Refugees have struggled across the vast blasted expanse of the Balkans, desperate to reach civilization before the winter and the Yugo werewolves kill them all, people have been stabbed by poor peace-loving pacifist tribalists exercising their deep spiritual natures in Jerusalem, the gangland boss in the Kremlin bombed parts of Syria that had not yet been taken over by crazed Jihadis, several Republicans had conniptions, the Turks picked another fight with the Kurds, and the Saudis lied about the number of dead pilgrims.

There were other things deserving mention.


But this is the most important news:


"Former professional basketball player Lamar Odom has regained consciousness three days after he was found unresponsive inside a Nevada brothel."

[SOURCE: BBC BLATHER.]


For those readers not paying attention, some big black hunk-a-dunk snorted a bucket of cocaine and downed a king's ransom in penis stimulants, then slipped into a coma while blood spewed from several orifices. Dumbass wanted to stay up for several days banging all the poon in sight.
Thought he could do it, too. All he needed was chemistry.

Yes, that has been considered "news" for an entire week.

Every time you looked up, he was there.

A dummy and his dick.



Darn it all, you and I both realize that jamming a fortune in coke up your nostrils, then pounding the miracle dick pills, is a lousy idea. Doing so in a brothel, while probably drunk, insane with lust, and misapprehending that one could and should commit bouncy bouncy with every person there, just adds a lake overflowing with total-batshit to the adventure.

Lamar Odom, however, may be dull as a brick.

He once married Khloe Kardashian.

Not the smartest lump.


Apparently the news organizations of the world assume that we all want to be like him, or are quite fascinated by his fantasy sex life.
He's black, and played sports. He has a dick.
So what's not to like, dammit?!?


Some people, however ...


Consequently, I not only expect copy-cat comas, I absolutely demand them. If every maladjusted slack-whanged mama's boy would just do the same, in the hopes of EITHER succeeding in the bang department OR being in the news with thousands of admiring fans expressing their love, anguish, and emotional support, this world would be a better place.

Surely cocaine and C-alis cannot be that expensive.

Or very hard to find, even in stupid town.

Congressmen use that stuff.

It's a cinch!



You say I'm a bit too peevish? Perhaps unkind and uncaring?

Please understand that the sleazy lives and disgusting antics of celebrities, politicians, and sports figures are just not interesting.
There is no imagination there, they do not do anything that we don't fully expect from them and their ilk.

Now, if the news read that Lamar 'crap-for-brains' Odom had injured himself trying to surreptitiously shag one of Siegfried and Roy's tigers in the middle of the night, perhaps then I would sit up and actually pay attention.
And I really wish he would pull some crazy shiznit like that.
It would indeed be newsworthy.
Fascinating, in fact.
Just do it!



Fercrapsakes, BBC, report the news!




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