At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Monday, October 26, 2015


Tolkien smoked Capstan. Although some Orcs claim otherwise. Tolkien never smoked a churchwarden pipe, but every budding Gandalf the Grey between here and the Okefenokee ends up acquiring one of those damned things. The cheapest ones are rather drecky Ukranian-made pearwood garbage, which I highly recommend for Gandalf fanboys.

Then they purchase abysmal fruity aromatics.

Real people smoke out of briar pipes.
Of normal length and dimension.
Unperfumed pipe-tobacco.
Not harlot weed.

For the past five days I have been enjoying some epic stuff.

Crinkly cut, profoundly wondrous, and mild.
Intoxicating and enjoyable.

Contrary to what idiots on the internet believe, there isn't even a shred of Turkish tobacco anywhere in this product.
Lesson: Oriental is not only a regional descriptive (very broad sense), but also a very narrowly specific term for a fragrant type of tobacco. Consequently, Oriental is not Oriental. The fact that Virginia and Burley are grown in places like India and Indonesia does NOT make them Oriental. Dunhill Ready Rubbed seems to be around eighty percent various flue-cured leaves ("Virginia") and twenty percent Burley.
Oriental, broadly speaking means Latakia (formerly from Syria, now mostly Cypriot) and Turkish (grown in the Balkans, Greece, coastal regions around the Black Sea, Turkey (note especially Smyrna and Rumelia), northern Syria and Iraq, and formerly Shiraz and Egypt).
In the narrow sense, strictly resinous Turkish cultivars.
Small-leaved condimentals.

Dunhill Read Rubbed is an unremarkable but quite enjoyable all-day tobacco for the smoker who simply wants a good reliable Virginia mixture. No spice, no pretensions, just solid quality.

*      *      *      *      *

I've also smoked a blend I compounded myself. I can imagine Tolkien liking it, but I should far prefer Bertrand Russel.

Bertrand Russell is reputed to have smoked Fribourg & Treyer's Golden Mixture, which is mostly composed of bright ribbons.
Very mild, a suitable all-day smoke.

My creation has a smidge of Latakia, just to add depth.
Not enough to raise any eyebrows, though.
Wouldn't want to do that.

It is, of course, quite unsuitable for pimply Gandalfians, who will willingly stick a perfumed trollop into their crappy poseur pipe, then ponce around uttering Elvish gibberish. While wearing an old carpet.
To the admiring approval of drippy girlfriends.
Who also like Lord of the Rings.
Bollocks. Just bollocks.

One pipe to ruin them all, one tobacco to ... yadda yadda yadda.

Bertrand Russell's main character flaw was his fondness for the poetry of Percy Bysshe Shelley, most of which is drivel.
Some of which is horsefeathers.
The rest is just crap.


C. S. Lewis was particularly fond of Three Nuns, by the way. A spun-cut mostly Virginia, with a heart of Perique and a special dark tobacco. The original is no longer made, the MacBaren interpretation seems to be lacking any Perique at all, but is nevertheless a decent and likable product.
Similar to Stokkebye Luxury Bullseye.
Also very high quality.

Although it is after nine o'clock, it is too damned early to go to bed.
So instead I shall load up one more pipeful, and wander around the neighborhood growling at young people.

Something from McClellands.
Red, black, and stinky.


NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


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