IT FEELS GREAT, IT'S A MYSTERY

When I came home last night my apartment mate was marinating some kind of meat in dietetic milk to prepare convenient bag dinners for her noodgy boyfriend, who apparently can't cook. Now, I should point out that despite being Jewish, he doesn't keep kosher by any stretch of the imagination -- so it could very well have been pork in that dairy-based marinade -- and, being a person with Aspergers, mental twists, and a delicate tum tum, he tends to be incredibly kvetchy about food.
Which might actually be a Jewish thing.

The teevee was on.

It turns out that he likes a different Sherlock Holmes television series than she does. He watches the one with Whatsisbucket Bunkersnoot, she prefers Elementary. Which has Lucy Liu as Doctor Joan Watson.

He's never been in the apartment, so I don't know nuttin' about the bad crap he watches. Buntiwick Crumblesnatch, good lord.

While I was preparing myself a nice steaming caffeinated beverage, she discussed the show. Which I've seen parts of when she watched.
It's actually pretty darn tooting entertainment.
Her, advertisements, and Lucy Liu.
A smorgasmbord of stimuli.


Three lines now stick in my mind.


"Hanes Comfort Fit bras; fall in love with your bra."

"Ooh, ooh, yes, that's the hunky dude!"

"We're rotating them."


The first was from a commercial which had some interesting visuals which I caught out of the corner of my eye. The second was her exclamation while channel surfing, when she saw Daniel Craig, who is the current James Bond. Apparently he's a hot piece of yummalishus manflesh oh boy yowza. The third sentence refers to corpsicles at a cryogenic facility that were stacked like cordwood.

Obviously, I am not emotionally vested in the hunkadunk in any way, OR the frozen dead people.



But the following brand name products strongly appeal to me.

'Hanes Perfect Coverage ComfortFlex Fit® Wirefree Bra',
'Hanes Comfort Shaping ComfortFlex Fit® Underwire Bra',
'Hanes Comfy Support ComfortFlex Fit® Wirefree Bra'.

Another stellar product that looks like the bee's knees and the cat's whiskers: 'Hanes Ultimate Smooth Inside and Out Foam ComfortFlex Fit® Wirefree Bra'.

Judging by the joy-filled faces of the women modeling these products, Hanes has a nice-feeling encompassment for every breast.

If I were a breast, I would demand Comfort Fit®!

Comfort Fit® makes for happy breasts.

No other cup will do.


And, if I were a breast, I would have absolutely NO interest whatsoever in Daniel Craig. He's not my type. I am.



ONE CUP, TWO CUP; PINK CUP, BLUE CUP!

In other news, a friend recently queried about dating in the modern era. How to ask, what to do, who pays for food, and that sort of thing.

How the hell should I know?!?

The last time I "dated" was way before Shrubbya became president.
For all I know, it now involves whips and chains, or drug frenzies.

Yes, I would like to "date". No clue how it's done.

I am a middle-aged single man.

Clueless.




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