ELEPHANTS! YOU ARE ALL PINK ELEPHANTS!

It was a striking combination! A cardigan that came down to the upper thigh, and shorts that didn't. Consequently an attractive amount of sleek golden leg meat was appealingly viewable.

This blogger likes warm weather!

I was having a 鴛鴦 over ice at the 華盛頓茶餐廳 when she walked in to purchase a Swiss Roll. Which is a log shaped confection, sheet-cake rolled around a layer of cream, very nice. No, despite her shall we say, pudginess, it was almost certainly NOT all for her. And I shall rename the pudginess baby-fat, because on her it looked good.
Damned good. Good enough to eat.


This blogger likes warm weather because at heart I am still a teenage dirty old man.


Normally what heaves into view when I'm sitting in the window with a beverage, looking out across the street, is a motley collection of overweight tourists, dog-ugly tourists, and remarkably sullen looking glandular freak tourists. Europeans and travellers from the Midwest or the Central Valley with remarkably bovine faces, possibly inbred, most definitely dull.
As well as their impossibly icky offspring.

Interspersed among them are elderly locals spryly side-stepping the lumbering heffalumps, and Cantonese parents guiding their kiddie-winkies while telling them not to bump into the bloated lizards.


You know, if modern middle-class Americans didn't pound down so damned much junkfood, they'd be a lot happier, and probably more intelligent looking too. Their piggy eyes wouldn't seem so dwarfed by the jowls, or hidden in an expanse of puffiness.

San Francisco is a food Mecca, and consequently many tourists are lost here. There are so few places where you can get a good double bacon greaseburger, biggiewiggie fries, and a cold bucket of soda.
Oh, the sadness, heartache, despair!
There's nothing good to eat!
We're gonna all starve!
Fried chicken!


Have you noticed how few overweight Chinese you see here? And guess what - many of them eat Chinese food! Does that tell you something?

Yes the Europeans look slightly leaner.
But they are much meaner too.
That old-world attitude.
Existential angst.
Sourness.
Piss.


Okay, I realize that much of the text above was incredibly vicious.
And I'm sorry.


I left out far too many people. Irritating South-Indian mommas and their spoiled brats. Syphilitic savages from Dixie. The kind of executives who get sent out of town to conventions. East Asian hookers with go-go boots and pancake make-up. Priggish Filipinas and their wussy menfolk. Black, white, and brown trash from the suburbs. Stuck-up yuppies, marketing types, and "professionals", who have flocked to the city and driven rents through the roof. Young urban hipsters. Trust-fund brats. All the crazies whom the rest of the country unloaded on us, so that they wouldn't get shot by the police in Dumbcluckistan. Who are mostly morons and ex-football players. Unwashed Mediterranean types. Pierced freaks, and intellectuals.
Young men with greasy hair. Tattooed artists. Russians.

There. Is that better? Have I forgotten anyone?

Please let me know by leaving a comment.

I'll cover them in the next rant.



This blogger likes warm weather and curvy thighs. As well as cold caffeinated beverages, mature Virginia pipe tobacco, tender mustard greens, bittermelon, rice stick noodles, and roast duck.
Plus a seat behind glass to watch the uglies pass.

She had a cute face too. Bright intelligent eyes, and a curious mien. There was an air of total involvement about her as she thoughtfully considered which delicious cake-product to buy.

Which was admirable and charming!

This blogger likes cake.


GLOSSARY

鴛鴦 ('yuen yeung'): Mandarin Ducks. 鴛 is the male, 鴦 is the female. They are a symbol of marital constancy, as well as a delicious beverage composed of coffee, tea, and condensed milk. 華盛頓茶餐廳 ('waa seng duen chaa chaanteng'): The Washington Bakery and Restaurant, around the corner from Portsmouth Square. 瑞士卷 ('seui si kuen'): Swiss roll, a rolled sponge cake filled with whipped cream, jam, or icing. In Chinatown it's usually coffee, chocolate, pandan, or plain flavoured. Imagine a thick slice of that with sabayon! Mmmmmmmmm!
蛋糕 ('daan gou'): cake.


Highly improper afterthought:
肥妹的靚腳... 嘩, 好嘢喎!




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