WHEN MAYONNAISE GOES BAD

Regular visitors here have probably figured out that I am a quiet and restrained man, whose life has become somewhat quieter and more restrained due to there having been no love interest for the longest time,
as well as a startling lack of perversity.

Oh sure, I'm quite capable of dirty-mindedness. But I behave myself,
and there is little need to go into any further detail than that.

The internet, however, seems to exist for other matters.
Specifically three things:

Cute Kitten Pictures.
Recipes.
Smut.

No, contrary to what I said last week, Hungarians are not one of those three. That was a mistake.

Cute kitten pictures, recipes, smut.


One other category deserves to be mentioned, namely people who cruise the internet looking to be offended. These aren't nearly as numerous as the kitten freaks or bad cooks -- both of whom are probably quite minor in comparison to the seekers of filth, which includes the entire male population of Pakistan -- but there are still plenty of them.

A few years ago I created a clickable label for the smutt-o-philes ('Pervert Taunting') because I thoroughly relished the fantasy of frustrated degenerates all over the world (especially in Pakistan) stumbling across my blog, then jumping up in sheer foaming fury and screaming when they realized they had spent twenty minutes looking for nipples that just weren't there. Oh the agony, oh the heart-ache. Humanity!

Dangle an imaginary breast, and they'll come.

I enjoy teasing them. But alas, there are no nipples here.
None. Not even a small one. No photos.
Maybe a poetic description.
In an obscure post.

[Nipples are, on the whole, a good thing, necessary to mammalian life. We wouldn't be ourselves without them. They are twice as important as uteri, and fortunately four times as common, more or less, among humans.]

Over time I've also discovered other categories of people who react with profound upset at things I've written. Australians, Dutch people, ecological activists, non-smokers, aficionados of Clan Pipe Tobacco, Hello Kitty freaks, assorted Scandinavians, and vegans.


That last bunch should click here: VEGAN!


Rejoice, pasty-faced loons, you now have your own section.




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