At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


At least once a day someone cruises into a blogpost I wrote a long time ago about difficulties with the French language. No, it's not the linguistic excursus that pulls them in, they aren't struggling with French lesson, and they have NO interest in stumbling over nouns when asking the waitress at a café for a soupçon de crème for their tasse de extra strong coffee good lord how do you frogs drink this muck?!?

I made the mistake of entitling that essay "I can see you nipples".

And I admit that that was a mistake. I realize that in hindsight. As a smarty-pants internet abuser, I used the word "nipples" in a good-humoured attempt to raise an interest and an eyebrow.

[At the time I wrote that, I could not understand the desperation of the curious internet pervert. But I have NOT been in a position to gloat over access to nipples since summer of 2010, and I have entirely forgotten what the little beasties look like. Fortunately I have still have good strong coffee and the necessary cream to make life worthwhile. It's how I sustain myself in the long cold nights. Dammit, I live in a city filled with rutting yuppies!]

The folks who come in here lured by that enticement are not interested in anything I have to say. Rather, they wish to see nipples. In a very disturbing way, I am hurt that it isn't mine they want to see.

A blogpost named "I keenly wish to view the rosebuds of a middle-aged Dutch-American male pipe-smoker" would, I fear, not excite nearly as much passion.
Although if it did, that, too, would be disturbing.
I certainly do not wish to see that.

It's probably someone named Ahmed. Not the bright and sprightly female of an age which suggests college and sorority romps, with sparkling eyes and an interest in Dutchmen and mediaeval studies (she's majoring in only ONE of those subjects), but a tired and disillusioned gentleman in England, named Ahmed.

Hi Ahmed.

Sorry, you don't get to see squat.

There are twice as many nipples as there are human beings on the planet. That must mean something. Even Ahmed will eventually see at least one middle-aged Dutch nipple in his life, I'm sure of it. All it takes is time, and a love of knowledge.

Ahmed, you're a lucky bastard.

I live in San Francisco.

No nipples here.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


  • At 9:44 AM, Anonymous e-kvetcher said…

    >There are twice as many nipples as there are human beings on the planet.

    "A supernumerary nipple (also known as a third nipple, triple nipple, accessory nipple,polythelia or the related condition: polymastia) is an additional nipple occurring in mammals, including humans. Often mistaken for moles, supernumerary nipples are diagnosed at a rate of 1 in 18 males and 1 in approximately 50 female humans."

  • At 10:27 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    So in some respects the nipple situation is better even than expected.

    Ahmed is one lucky fellow.

  • At 9:41 AM, Anonymous pedantically amphibious said…

    Or possibly not: mastectomies.


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