BRINING TURKEY PRIOR TO ROASTING

This Thursday marks the so-manieth anniversary of the last time that this blogger experienced a traditional Thanksgiving. It was fun at the time -- sometime in the eighties -- but it did not bear repeating.
Three lesbians, myself, and beer.

I made the "butter chicken" sauce to go with the bird. Very fattening; butter, tomato puree, heavy cream, ground dark-toasted cumin seeds, paprika, and cayenne. The principal is smooth emulsion, the flavour to aim for is creamy -- tangy -- smoky -- rich. And slightly spicy.

Turkey is a bland beast, so it needs all the help it can get.

American beauty queens and turkeys have three things in common: enormous breasts, tastelessness, and remarkable stupidity.
That is why so many people love them.


This blogger is probably an eccentric in that regard, as I vastly prefer modest breasts, good taste, and intelligence. Well, quirky taste.
High-fallutin' good taste can be a bit boring. A certain amount of cheerful vulgarity is a fine thing.


Obviously I am never going to date a cheerleader.


But if I did, she'd probably need a bit of salt.



BRINE THE BIRD


When brining a bird, the proportion of salt to liquid is 1:35.
That means for each tablespoon salt you will need 35 tablespoons (slightly less than two and a quarter cups) water.
Use less sugar than salt.
For a big turkey you will probably need two or three gallons of liquid in all.
One gallon is sixteen cups. For each gallon, seven tablespoons salt. Plus a pinch extra.
You can replace some of the water with rice-wine, sherry, or fragrant vinegar.
Throw in some star-anise and ginger, plus other spices.
Do not add garlic - while it tastes good, the result will be reminiscent of Italian Salami. Which is fine, but not particularly festive.

Let it soak for one or two days before you cook it.

First 20 - 30 minutes of roasting are at a higher temperature (425°) to colour the skin and get the heat into the bird. The remainder of the roasting, at 350 degrees, will take twelve minutes per pound of dead bird.
So for a twenty pound turkey, about four hours.

Rest the bird for half an hour after taking it out of the oven.

Do not stuff it - if you need stuffing, make it on top of the stove, and use some of the pan juices for flavour.


Please note: when I first posted these instructions on this blog a few years ago, Jonathan Becker commented: "It's OK to be a pervert, but it should be your own business. Is it really necessary to describe in detail the nature of your perversion? I would describe it in more general terms, for instance as your distress at the lost innocence of the human race. As it is now, you're making it much harder for me to recommend your blog to my friends - or my children. This is a shame, since you really are good at what you do and have terrifically valuable insights. I also have great respect for the fact that your reaction to criticism is to "keep on keepin' on, only more so".

At that time the brine was embedded in a post about pastries and hot beverages.

Mindful of that startling reaction, I shall not tell you which post, or place a link to it either. Life is too short to distress men who have children.
And children are not worth distressing at all.

Pastries and hot beverages are always a good thing.

Probably what I'll be having this year.

After a very long walk.



There will be no lesbians or cheerleaders anywhere near me this Thanksgiving.

I'm not sure if I regret that.




Oh, and by the way, any mention of breasts in the essay above is strictly pursuant turkeys, unless quite clearly otherwise. Let us be sure of that, as I would not want to be called a pervert again.

I am many things. But not a pervert.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================