At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

THE MOST EROTIC SIGHT IN THE WORLD

In discussion with a friend the other day I scored a significant victory. He came around to my point of view. Which is remarkable. He had opined that watching a woman bathing was the most exciting thing to see, ever, and I politely disagreed. Watching a woman bathing is by no means all that interesting, I averred, as it was far too mundane. There is no mystery when you can see all parts exposed, and glistening as the soapy water cascades down. It may be artistic, it may also be beautiful -- and if you are hidden under the sink watching secretly (he admitted that he has never done that), it may even become a wonderful tension-filled experience -- but it is NOT a window into her inner life.

Food, on the other hand, is.

No, not that she sustains herself with edibles regularly. All women do that. But a woman enjoying food, really enjoying food, is a sight to behold.

For that, you need to avoid suburbanites and the nice white middle-classes. America leads the way both in obesity and dietary obsession, and office ladies are far more likely to obsess over the correct minuscule portion of rabbit-food and a weight loss bar sometime during the afternoon than to EVER enjoy what they are sticking into their mouths. They are sedentary, and their metabolism has slowed down. Any excess iota of taste will make their hips explode across the known universe. Just one cookie, and they'll weep and wail and have guilt pangs for weeks. Not to be too blunt about it, but absolutely no-one except an out-and-out sadist can even enjoy their own food in the presence of these frustrated neurotics.

"I AM TOO FATTTTTTTTTT!!!"

Oh stuff it! Errm, I mean, UNstuff. Do NOT stuff. Avoid the stuff, stuff utterly not! How about I get you a barf bag? Do you need time alone with an exercise machine?

The office liposuction device?

That's why it's truly great to NOT eat anywhere in the Financial District for a while. No salad bars, no low-fat no added sugar health cuisine, no antioxidant-rich high fibre soy shakes. And no damned junkfood either.
Not a single can of diet soda in sight.

I made my argument persuasively, and convinced my friend by citing the sheer glory of smoothly glowing foreheads, faces lowered over food, eyes dreamily closed, elegant hands skillfully interacting with utensils, and every delicate feature shaded and detailed by light that shows off their noses, cheeks, and chins. All in an atmosphere of sincere food appreciation. Nothing, he now realizes, beats the intoxication of women taking pleasure in eating.
It is the most erotic sight in the world.

Tomorrow he's going into Chinatown to eat noodles.
I hope I don't see him at the places I frequent.
Quite awkward if I did.
I think he's a pervert.



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