At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Sunday, February 17, 2013


One of the people I see occasionally at the cigar club has a beautiful wife. They got married back in September, and have taken each other out of circulation. At some point they may enter the gene pool. Which I recommend. They're both intelligent, and the kids will be extremely pretty.

Most men are hung up on appearance. I would be lying if I said that such things didn't mean anything to me. But what a woman looks like is only part of the deal. Imelda Marcos was a beauty queen, and given what we know about that woman now, getting hitched to her was either the worst thing Ferdinand ever did, or, cynically speaking, the best. She had a keenly honed talent for strong-arm robbery and political savagery that made the Borgias look amateurish.
I certainly wouldn't want to be attached to such a person.

And you, dear masculine reader, will upon reflection conclude that you do not want someone like that in your life either.


It need not be twelve, it could be as many as twenty or thirty. But what you MUST remember is that it is not about sex. It never should be. What both of you are doing is getting acquainted, and figuring out what the other person is like. Is she or he someone you can respect? Does that person have a decent brain? Are there profound similarities?

Is she crazier than a peach-orchard boar?

Again, imagine yourself married to Imelda.

The first ten, twenty, or thirty dates should be about conversation, eating out together, and discovering the things you like doing with each other. Stuff that makes being with that particular someone much more enjoyable than experiencing it alone or with your colleagues from work.

If it's just sex, think Ben Affleck and J-Lo.


Now, suppose you are a woman. Stranger things have happened. Do you trust him? Is he the kind of man who will get you home safely if you've had one glass of champagne too many? Does he respect the waitstaff at restaurants?
Would you let him anywhere near your sister?
If the answer to ANY of those questions is not an unqualified 'yes', you might well ask yourself why you are even in the same room as him.

At the very least, ask yourself whether he's better than a handbag.

What all this means is that for either gender, lots of effort and imagination are required. Discovering cozy little restaurants, quiet parks in which it is pleasant to stroll, coffeeshops where both of you can read for hours, fun adventures, nice parts of town, interesting antique stores.............
Thirty dates. That may take three or four months. Call each other up after work sometime, just to listen. And if you're eating lunch together during the week, DON'T talk about work. Do NOT waffle on about tobacco, sports, handbags, or beanie babies.
Both of you will need a sense of humour. If it does go well between the two of you, that sense of humour will stand you in good stead.
Especially if you end up living together.

Above all, eat.

This blogger, in case you didn't know already, is currently single, and likely to remain so. Obviously NOT the person to go to for any advice about dating.

For all I know, courtship in the modern era involves large amounts of alcohol and energy drinks, plus studs, piercings, shared tattoos, and mental abuse.

So just consider all the above well-meaning avuncular poofle.
Or waffle from a fossil.

My friend who has the lovely spouse probably did not meet her over thrash-dancing at a club, however. They've known each other for years, possibly since college. And I seriously doubt that either of them is into stupendous acts of misbehaviour and tastelessness. I rather suspect that they started off with caffeinated beverages, conversation, and perhaps dinner.
Followed by hand-holding, and walks around town.
Maybe some flowers, and a movie.

She tolerates his smoking, and often joins him when he needs to visit the cigar club for his mental health. So clearly she has his best interests in mind, as I sincerely hope he does hers.
They're a nice couple.
Cute together.

I'm thinking about taking up butterfly collecting. That should be a relatively stress-free hobby for my declining years.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.



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