In another four weeks exactly, it will be my birthday. Not, really, that I expect to make a big deal out of it. It will be just another reminder of antiquity. My ex keeps telling me that I am still young, and obviously full of piss and vinegar. And remarkably spry despite the occasional flare-up of gout.
I try to hide the gout from her and others around me, and I pride myself that I do a good job of that. Having, as you may have surmised, a remarkable talent for dissimulation.
Recent example: a lovely bowl of clam chowder.
Followed by twinges in my right knee and big toe.
But nobody noticed anything. The old badger seems as sparky as usual.
Okay, the shrimp bonnets I had in C'town may have also contributed.
Monday through Thursday, a spry sparky version of gout.
Please do NOT ask me to tango.
Twinges interfere with rhythm.
Today I didn't make any mistake like that. Meaty substances with hot sauce and plenty fresh crunchy green crap, tea, coffee, and several bowls of tobacco.
Precisely like I want my birthday four weeks hence to be.
On my birthday, I might go down to the Asian Art Museum to inspect my rotund friend the bronze rhinoceros.
It has been too long since I visited him.
Shang Dynasty ritual objects get a bit lonely after a few thousand years.
Even if remarkable fit and vibrant.
Trust me on this.
I rather doubt he'd care much for clam chowder, though.
Company, that's what he wants.
And friendly chit-chat.
Perhaps cake.
Warning: if you click on the embedded link, you should know that the picture will show a NAKED rhinoceros. As, normally, rhinoceri are wont to be. This may shock or titillate you, but not nearly as much as seeing a nude picture of the birthday boy might.
Rest assured: you will never see that here.
I am a modest man.
I will never post pictures of myself au naturel on the internet.
Or even pose.
Might expose myself in the buff again sometime.
But only to someone with a sense of humour.
Whether you're a three-thousand year-old bronze beast, or a badger-like middle-aged pipe-smoker (still trim, spry, and sparky, please remember that!), you are likely to feel a little self conscious about your appearance.
Keen appreciation is essential.
And a bemused smile.
PS.: Feel free to recognize how nice your local badger is.
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