VOTING THE SOLID TICKET

At least with rat poison you don't see the evidence all over. It's effective, it gets into the food chain, and many more creatures than just rodents are effected, so there are fewer of them. But with election literature you end up seeing it all over. Everyday there is an infestation in my mail box. I suspect that caller robots have probably tried to inundate my last recorded phone number. "Hi, this is Barrack Obama, asking you to do your part; please vote for Ms. Zingbats Derhooptie in November." Yes, actually, Barrack, I'm voting for the irritating Jew. He may not be a perfect party player, but he's a liberal we want and need, he's been effective for over two decades, he pisses off all the right people, and he's part of my community.
So you know sumpin'? Ms. Zingbats Derhooptie can go pound sand.

If given a choice, always vote for the irritating Jew.

That's just a rule of life.


In fact election literature is largely wasted on me. If there are liberal Chinese Americans or irritating Jews on the ballot, I'm voting for them. If my own people (Dutch Americans) are on there, I will quite likely join the campaign staff of the irritating Jew or the Chinese Americans, because the vast majority of Dutch Americans are rightwing blisters, religious fascists and bigots, ethically crippled business people, and the children or grandchildren of people who collaborated with the occupiers during the war. Just look at all the Dutch Americans in the last administration; stuk voor stuk schorem, zo verrot als de pest.

Kindly do NOT send me your damned glossy agit-prop.
There's plenty of bonfire material already.

Also, the irritating Jew in question is shorter than me, so that too is a point in his favour.


Sadly, I can find no evidence that he's a pipesmoker, tea drinker, or a reader of Dutch Indo literature, or even stuff like Vladimir Vladimirovitch Nabokov; might be barely above À la recherche du temps perdu and Ulysses, but we'll take what we can get.



If there were a liberal Dutch American individual of impeccable New Amsterdam antecedents on the ballot, I'd vote for him or her in a flash you betcha, because American elections are all about finding justifications for one's bigotries and biases, and clothing those in acceptable robes, as it were, but I might be the ony one such in San Francisco, and I'm not standing for office, which is something about which we should all be damned glad.

I am strongly in favour of the Oxford comma.
Use of which would be made obligatory.
No ifs, ands, or buts, about it.



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