Friday, December 14, 2012


As some of you know, the woman in this blogger's life is severely defective.
Specifically, she gave up on this blogger as a romantic life partner years ago, and is now merely an apartment mate. We do not share the same bed, do not eat together, do not go whale-watching, cattle-roping, or duck-hunting together, nor do any of those other things that couples do.
We now live entirely separate lives that only occasionaly intersect, often in the kitchen while preparing a hot beverage in the morning. Our evening and weekend schedules are completely different. Since the break-up, we hardly even see each other.

I'm merely speculating on the whale-watching and cattle-roping.
Actually I have no clue what couples do.
Never really did.

The woman is still part of my life. We are good friends. We've known each other for so long that we completely trust each other, and in many ways we still see eye to eye.
After many years, things sometimes just stop working.

I do not quite understood the people who upon breaking up decide that they never want to see the other person again, and become sworn enemies.
That seems like a frightfully immature way to react.
Peevishness doesn't answer anything.

But yes, from my point of view, Savage Kitten is quite defective.
She doesn't understand what a likeable man I am.

Someone else eventually will.
No doubt soon.

You may stop laughing now.


Her birthday is coming up, and soon after that is the grand all-American go nuts with the gifts because the fat man wearing a red bathrobe wants you to holiday.

Savage Kitten is not normal. So heading over to Macy's and buying her some tat, or trinketry from the cheap-jewelry department in the basement, won't work. Unlike normal American women, she actually has a keen eye and good taste.

A normal woman would unwrap the designer shmatte or cute little kitten brooch and squeal "oh how lovely, it's what I always wanted!"
Then burst into femmy tears because I thought of her.
Perhaps splash on a little extra Hello Kitty perfume.

Savage Kitten is much harder to shop for. Especially because I want her to be happy with what I got for her birthday. Besides the lobster and cake.

Men are, on the whole, far easier to gift. Give us a tin of shoe polish wrapped in Hello Kitty tissues, and we'll accept it with pleasure. An engraved shoe horn? Why, it's the perfect gift. Even a stack of last year's Wallstreet Journals wrapped in an old sock. Just what I always wanted, the sock fits perfectly. Thank you.

I've often wished I could just give her pottery on her birthday.
Over the years I've found numerous examples that exemplify classic shape-design, and timeless glazes. Even exemplary modern-era rabbit's fur (兔毫釉) and oil-spot (天目釉), done by ceramicists in the Bay Area. Plus jun-type glazes (鈞釉), museum quality mustard yellows (古黃釉), antique beige crackle (米黃釉), Celadons (青瓷) that recall the Korean masters........

Fine perfume is not an option. Given that we are no longer romantically involved, it would be inappropriate, and send all the wrong messages.
Same goes for skincare products, make-up, delicate fabrics, and household mecessities.

Food is always dangerous, not just for her, for all women.

Objets d'art are a minefield. Some things she likes, some things she shuns.
It's unpredictable.

Books are also out of the question. She brings home a new stack from the library on a weekly basis, but hardly ever acquires any more volumes for herself.
I am the packrat in this house, she is the opposite.


Fortunately, I've got her birthday covered.
Now it's just Christmas to dread.
Clear sailing after that.

I have this nasty suspicion that if I ever get involved with another woman, a very similar problem will present itself. Primarily because the squealing butterfly type is precisely the opposite of the kind of woman who fascinates me.
Alas, I'll never get off easy.

She'll probably pout because I didn't get her the Glock 17 (reliable, above average magazine capacity, easy to handle), instead of the Sturm, Ruger & Co. Blackhawk, 44 Magnum.

"But Honey, it's what you always wanted! A personal side arm that goes with any outfit AND can put a hole the size of a storm drain in a man!"

Women can be trouble.
I know this.

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