Wednesday, December 19, 2012

DOOMSDAY AND DENVER, DECEMBER 2012

Do you have enough SPAM and inflatable devices to tide you over?
This is very important, as there are only TWO days left.
To stock up. Also buy plywood and duct tape.
These make great gifts, btw.
If zip happens.

Please buy all your survival necessities now, taking advantage of the super sales at various retailers. Now! Now! Now! Just in case you're one of the soft-in-the-cranium individuals who believe that the end of the Mayan Long Count Calendar means the end of the world, and do not live close enough to Denver Airport to invade the vast shelters for the elites which have been built underneath.

Yeah yeah, when Christ comes back riding the flaming tail of a comet this Friday, destroying the world in a cataclysm so vast that even space aliens will take note, you'll be able to gloat at my cynicism and unbelief. "Hah", you will say to yourself as you lock the heavy portal to your survival cave deep in the Berkeley Hills, "that stupid blogger didn't know jack!".
And you'll marvel at the giant whale-like beings from beyond Pluto, where the old gods slumber, who will opportunistically wipe out whole villages with their photon flippers or something.
They are angry at what we did to their ambassadors.


Seriously, anyone who actually believes that the world will end in two days is ripe for the picking. Stark-raving bonkers.
I wish I knew someone like that, for taunting purposes.

Obviously I don't hang out in the hinterland much.
Or anywhere near Denver.
Dang.


PS. More on stupid Christians HERE.



Gratuitous link: Fritters.



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8 comments:

Anton Chekhov might well have said...

If there's a pole in the middle of the stage, there should be a pole dance before the end of the act.

The back of the hill said...

Completely irrelevant, but nevertheless totally appreciated.

It's an all-American art form.

e-k said...

Check out LuLu

The back of the hill said...

That's impressive. I shall abstain from any glib remarks.

Still not entirely a fan of that particular art form, but it has a certain, errm, validity.

Anonymous said...

Giant space whales?

WHALES ARE DELISCIOUS!

The back of the hill said...

Dear Anonymous at 4:09 PM,

Kindly see this post: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-delicious-whale.html.

Ideas on what to do with delicious whale.

Anton Chekhov almost certainly would have said...

What do you mean, "irrelevant"? There's a stripper pole in the middle of the stage where those three bints are performing that ingenuous version of that inane John Denver song. "Irrelevant", forsooth!

The back of the hill said...

Oh.


Didn't even notice.


.

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