Sunday, October 23, 2011


I am not much given to introspection. So it is with some surprise that I realize that I have substantially recovered from the break-up, and that my piss and vinegar are returning.
As you may have noticed from the growling tone of several recent posts.

I now understand two things about myself.

The first one is that I am not a social person.
I like having other humans in the general vicinity, and I like listening occasionally as they talk. But in the case of most people that is really about all it is. We do not have enough in common, and unless they are very nice folks that I want to see again, and whom I wish would talk to me more, it really isn't essential.
That they exist is enough.

The second thing is that most women are far more attractive to other people, including themselves, than they are to me. Statistically this must be so - roughly half of human kind is female, and over ninety percent of our species is far more interesting as a phenomenon or an environmental factor than they are as individuals up close and personal.
Ergo the chance of actually connecting is extremely slim.
Most girls just aren't suitable.

Generally, I like having them in the vicinity, and I'll occasionally listen in.
That will have to suffice.

The possibility of ever being in a relationship again is intriguing, but not very likely.

I'm just not desperate enough and quite unable to feign the interest required.

Socially, I’m a short-legged omnivorous mustelid.
Inquisitive, yes, but fairly solitary.
Remarkably bright-eyed.
Un vrai blarieur.


Many "break-the-ice" conversations, with people of whichever gender, repeat the same tropes.
So, to save time, I'll just rehash them here.
"Nice weather today. Yes, but it's been a miserable summer. Climate change! No, I'm not Canadian or British - I was born in Southern California, my parents moved abroad when I was two, I came back from Holland when I was eighteen. This salsa is delicious, what's that you're smoking? Fascinating! Yeah, go Bears / Forty Niners / Oakland A's / Patriots / Giants / Sharks! Woohoo!
That's a lovely watch.

Following which there will be selective quoting from a popular television show, a brief personal review of a restaurant from someone, and a little bit of chatter about work.

"You're an engineer / doctor / nurse / football player / radiator repair girl? Wow! I had an aunt once."

The chance of meeting a young lady who recently read Brideshead Revisited for the second time, as just one example, is exceptionally slim (the chances that I have seen the latest hot steamy vampire novel are even slimmer).

If I did meet such a woman, I probably wouldn't know what to do anyway.
Ask her to tea? Cup of hot Ceylon with a slice of cake?

"Miss, let us now bone-up together on mediaeval allegories with this textbook. It has been far too long, and it is so wonderful to meet someone who is writing her doctoral thesis on Carolingian court-intrigues!"

It's a lovely fantasy, don't you think?

As afternoon fades into dark dark evening, we could cuddle on the couch under a warm blanket.
Together we will watch 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' on teevee.
And happily sing along to 'Knights of the Round Table'.
Or admire brave Sir Robin boldly running away.
Share a fondness for nerdy humour.
And tasteful shrubberies.


These are the nights we say 'ni'.

Some more cake?

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds utterly romantic.

I too would want to find a woman like that.

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