HEY GEEK OLD MAN!

Last week was my birthday. I turned fifty. I have officially joined the ranks of geezers. Or, as some might say, I am now an old fart.
That makes me feel like Portnoy in Bloom County, when he turned seven years old.

I am still very very liberal. Honestly. I can dance.



GEEZERTUDE

Let us make a list, shall we?

Gout. Arthritic joints. Partial deafness. Bile. Grump. Smell.
These are all ailments that I already have. Yep, I'm old.
Boruch Hashem I don't have 'Old Man's Penis'.

[Old Man's Penis is when you think you've finished micturating, and just when you've zipped up your fly, there's another sudden dribble. "Oh darn it", you say, "these pants were clean, I was planning to wear them for several more weeks....... perhaps no one will notice".]

The gout affects my right foot primarily, and is caused by various things - most notably a man-size portion of gehakte leber.
The arthritic joints are probably due to growing up in a bog.
Partial deafness is a blessing. Trust me.
Bile is an attitude, an outlook, and a way of life.
Grump is the natural result of gout, arthritic joints, partial deafness, and bile.

The SMELL is tobacco. If you don't like it, don't breathe.

[Who told you you could breathe? I didn't tell you you could breathe. What makes you think you can breathe? Stop it. Shut up. Now go.]

I mention all this, because birthdays were recently discussed on two other blogs.



THE ANGSTIGE INEXORABILITY OF IT ALL

Snooky Wong ('Death By Noodles') mentioned having cake for a friend's birthday. She loves cake.
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2009/10/cake.html

The friend was apparently someone in much better physical shape than myself.
To quote:
"So how old IS he? About fifty five? Sixty? He still LOOKS vibrant and vigorous - must be all that rich sweetened butter cream filling his joints. And the fruit. Fruit is healthy."

Young lady, I am not entirely pleased that you know some old geezer who still looks vibrant and vigorous, someone who is clearly in better shape than myself. He's that old that he should look decrepit and slightly seedy. It's only proper.


Stephanie 周 ('Infectious Asian') happily gloats about the gifts she got from her uncles. Lots of books. An eclectic selection.
http://infectiousasian.blogspot.com/2009/10/make-out-like-bandit.html

Her mother did not give her books, however.
Quote:"Ma gave me a brassiere. Tres femmy.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW IT OFF! THANKS, MA!"

Well now.
Did I mention that I have a good eye? A keen ability to aesthetically appreciate all of the good lord's creations?
Proportion, youthful skin hue, delicate terminations of the appendages, gazelle-like poise and grace - these are all things I know well, and about which I can discourse informatively.

Also, I'm still amazingly vibrant and vigorous. Honestly. And very very liberal.
Did I mention my birthday?
I can dance.