APOLOGIES ALL AMERICANS!

Word has reached me that my frequent slagging of the rest of the USA and other Americans doesn't sit well. Some of my readers are ired by it, and one of them suggested that if I didn't like living in the same nation as a bunch of turdbrain red-state Karens I should just up and leave. Go, in her words, back to Europe.

Erm, I'm sorry?

Look, I know how painful it is for y'all to live in the same country as a nasty smart-aleck Dutch American, but my ancestors came over in 1630, and the place has gone to hell since we let the rest of you in. Oops, sorry. What I meant was: since you drunken illegals stormed the beaches and started killing people. But I actually belong here.

Look, I genuinely apologize if recent statements calling y'all Karens didn't please you.
I honestly had no idea you could read! Was one of my essays cited in your church newsletter? Did your local preacher wish to whip you into a frenzy?

Nothing I have written is in your local library.
Nor is it ever likely to be there.
Be reassured.

A "NASTY" DUTCH AMERICAN

By the way, how did your recent book burning go? Was it well attended? Was there sprightly music? Perhaps the Königgrätzer march, played by Hank Williams or Kid Rock? Was Ted Nugent there? Was it sponsored by the Proud Boys and a Southern Baptist Klaven?


You know what goes well with a bonfire? Marshmallows and weenies!


Nothing to see here, just move along.
Have some nice Pepto Bismol.
Enjoy your boogers!



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