Sunday, January 28, 2018

WERE THE VEGAN MONSTER ROAMS

The other day I told someone that if they were coming back to the parking lot later that night, so that one of them could drive his own car home, they should be careful and keep their eyes open. "Why, is it dangerous?"
I answered with one word: "Werewolves!"

Most people are literalists.

As a direct result, I got to hear in detail about fail-safe survival plans for the coming zombie apocalypse, which will be happening soon. Seeing as those plans did not involve cornering a supply of cookies that would last till it was over, I wasn't really interested.

Why survive a zombie apocalypse if there are no cookies?

Fresh brains are not an adequate substitute.


1662, 1688, or 1693

And related thereto, please picture the following, back in the age of sail: several English gentlemen, after a long stint at sea, land on a small island and get fed a sumptuous feast, the star of which is fine large fatty bird, brined and roasted to perfection. Why, it is delicious! It is the best bird they have ever eaten! Even taking the boring shipboard diet of the past several months into account, they all later agree that this was a most splendid fowl. So the next day they ask their host, a Dutch innkeeper, what was it, where can it be found, they must have more!
He smiles, and says "so sorry, a dodo, and that was the last one".
Subtext: 'No more for you, we ate all the others'.


It's true. We Dutch ate the dodo.
And they were delicious!



We also invented the cookie. I know that doesn't make up for the dodo, but it's far better than a zombie, and not likely to apocalypize.
You Anglos are responsible for that.

It can't be coincidence that zombies entered popular culture at the same time that millennials discovered gluten-phobia, vegetarianism, rawtarianism, and quinoa. Sort of a negative food-fetish, to go along with all that special diet nonsense. Very bourgeois Anglo, very silly.




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