Friday, January 19, 2018

LIKE A BIN OF BUTTS

At this late hour, I could go into Facebook to be inspired and outraged, or perhaps visit Bob's Donuts around the corner (inspiterashun, outerage, and SUGAR!). But I shall control myself. Just one more pipeful of Pease's "Telegraph Hill" mixture, plus all the pills a geezer needs, and what transpired at the nearby karaoke joint near closing time.

Three gentlemen. All employees of the place. Let's call them 'Sponge-Bubba', 'Dill-waddle', and 'Tweekitie'. Because I do not wish to be sued.
Slightly drunk but serious; not drunk at all; plastered out of his pants.
Respectively; Sponge-Bubba, Dill-waddle, and Tweekitie.
Argument over shifts, especially Wednesday.
It's chanson-o-riffic!


Myself, I have never been able to get behind karaoke, and only go there so I can lurk outside smoking my pipe and contemplating the mysteries of the universe while streetwalkers, drunken frat boys, elderly Chinese, and transvesties parade past.


TELEGRAPH HILL: A sturdy foundation of Virginia tobaccos, each chosen for its particular characteristics, enhanced with a dab of Perique.
Bla bla bla, and don't worry about earthquakes!


Sponge Bubba is upset about something, and will commit physicality with "L" after he leaves. Dill-waddle has a dog to go home to, and is severely influenced by various medications prescribed following a bad bout with pneumonia. Tweekitie has been there for nearly twelve hours; four hour shift, eight hour drinko.

I'm there just to enjoy the last penultimate pipe-full of the day.

According to various people, I rock that pipe, that pipe is awesome dude, and tudely balls pipe oh yes, plus "hella cool".


Again, that's 'Telegraph Hill'. If your tobacconist is up for experimenting, try one part Perique, one part Kentucky fire-cured, and thirty parts flue-cured, roughly divided between cake, blonde ribbon, and red.
Steam it for an hour, more or less.
Or age it for a fortnight.
And jar it.

[Please note: the proportions above will get you something in the same vein, though less smoky. It's a good start for blending, and you can develop variations from there. For such a product, do not smoke fast, but puff in merest whisps.]


I'm not sure what any of this means. I was actually planning to write about fruity adolescents, but I got sidetracked. A bit.

Adolescents try my patience.




Other men cruise the inernet for pornography and kitten pictures late at night. I smoke a complete bowlful of mostly flue-cured leaf while reconsidering the events of the day. Life is grand.

I bemoan the state of the universe.
You should too.




TOBACCO INDEX


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