PUTRID CRAB SPEECH

Two old men speaking Toishanese can reasonably presume that no one is going to tell them to keep it clean. Even if they are cussing up a storm. The reason being not that no one understands -- we do, and we're horrified -- but that we take the recurrence of a particular earthy phrase for granted. In fact, it barely registers a blip on the horizon.
It is punctuation, exclamation, and colouration.
As well as potent expletive.

[The rest of this post should NOT be read by delicate well-brought up ladies, or anybody who finds it hard to tolerate the unvarnished vulgar speech common among dudes, bros, sailors, bikers, and elderly gentlemen from Toishan. You have been warned!]

The phrase salts and peppers their every waking hour.


"Tiu nei ah maa ge chau haai."


Which consists of three separate concepts.

The active verb, the pronoun and possessive, and a physical portion of the maternal relative referenced. For the linguistically and culturally curious, it is written thus: 屌你阿媽嘅臭閪。

The possessive between 'nei and 'ah maa' is implied.


屌你阿媽嘅臭閪

The clean words are:
你 ('nei'; you), and its possessive form 你嘅 ('nei ge'; your, yours).
阿 ('ah'), which is commonly prefixed to names and familial terms.
媽 ('maa'): mom, mother, mommy.
嘅 ('ge'); a word that does not occur in Mandarin, but which functions as the possessive postfix much like 的。
臭 ('chau'): smelly.

There are, as you can see, only two words which are unclean. And they are filthy in any context. You, dear reader, would do well to NOT learn either, and forswear their use at all times. The gates of hell will open up and release boiling bile and burning sulfur upon you otherwise.
They are NOT to be uttered.
Ever.


臭蟹話

Usage of the phrase is quite fexible, as it can come before, during, or after the actual sentence, entirely subconsciously in the case of most elderly Toishanese gentlemen, and without any of their friends hearing it or taking offense. It can be broken up. Tiu, where did you come from? Ah nei ah maa from the doctor's office. Wah, nei ge what is wrong? Well, it turns out I have tiu nei aah maa ge chronic ulcers. Chau haai what rotten luck, tiu! Indeed, tiu nei ah maa. Ai-ya..., ah maa ge, hai-ya.
And so forth and so on.


Yesterday afternoon, after purchasing some comestibles on Stockton Street, I had a pastry and a hot cup of milk tea at one of the local chachanteng. A pick-me-up, and the pause that refreshes.

Other than a pigeon that came in and wandered around, the only other sentient beings in the front near the windows were two elderly relics enjoying the far yet resplendently golden twilight of their years.
They were full of piss and vinegar, and very voluble.
I listened in for half an hour at least.
One day I shall be just as fluent.
Though more circumspect.


Smelly crustacean.



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