DISASTER WON'T HAVE CONDOMS!

You've just bought a nice double-tall cup of mocha-hazelnut latte, when you see the bus arriving. Dang, and it's SO gooood! You run, stumbling, spilling steaming Starbucks genius everywhere, to get to the bus door. You're about to board when the busdriver reminds you "no beverages allowed".
Life is unfair. So you throw a fit.
The big black momma driving the Municipal Railways conveyance relents, and lets you in, but only if you stand "in the middle of that cluster of internet yuppies blocking the backdoor, 'cause I don't want REAL people hurt when that shit spills".

And, if you're a fiscally conservative Republican, you obey.

Because dammit, you paid for it, bitches. All of it!

And you refuse to spend another penny.


Once you get to the office you will entertain everyone with an hour-long disquisition about what is wrong with this city, public services, the welfare state, our leaders, taxes, a society that feels entitled, and why on earth are all those wellfare mothers are on the bus at quarter past nine.

Good thing there's another Starbucks on the ground floor.

You need more self-indulgent hipster fuel.

Treat yourself; life is hard.


A GODLESS FOREIGN COMMUNIST!


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpzvaqypav8#t=351.]


Like any god-fearing fanboy of pudgy-faced opinionators from Fox, I also resent paying taxes, and vote the solid tea-party conservative line. Dammit, if our ancestors built something, I reasonably expect that it should last beyond MY lifetime, because I don't want to spend a penny on it!
We demand that the preceding generations do their job!

They were supposed to make our lives better. I'll just sit here, sipping my venti in a huff, until they obey.



The alternative would be big government controlling our lives, and enabling the undeserving poor, by "job creation". Which is precisely what I expect private enterprise to do, so that it will be done in a fiscally responsible manner, with all of the profit going to America's corporations.
By way of trickle-down, that will surely benefit all of us.

When the government does it, it's 'socialism'.



AFTERWORD

In the manner of all right-thinking Americans, I do not live downstream from any dams or next to the freeway. There are no bridges (neither unsafe nor dangerous) in my neck of the woods. And no cement anywhere.

My brand-new S.U.V. has pimped-up shock-absorbers.

I have a strong attachment to my coffee cup.

I voted for the party of Jesus.

Boehner.


NO ACTION, NOW!


Quote: "The Administration has not put forward, and does not plan to put forward, ah, a proposal to increase the gas tax. This Administration has put forward an idea, uh, by essentially y'know closing the loophole that allows corporations to benefit by stashing, ah, some of their profits overseas."

The solution, as always, is Boehner.

Two years, and nothing.

Giant lizards.


AFTERWORD, AFTER THE AFTERWORD

I few days ago I mentioned to some friends over cigars that foresight almost always guaranteed that there would be little need for future corrective measures. To illustrate, I pulled the condom which is always in one of my pockets out, and said "carrying this around damned well GUARANTEES that I will not be jumped by a sex-starved trollop the moment I leave this bar, whereas without it, I dare not leave the house after dark".

And you know that that is completely true.

Condoms prevent disaster.

Boehner.



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