MEN! SUCH TROUBLE!

White people do not speak Cantonese. This is well known. They don't speak Mandarin either -- well, most of them -- and sometimes they're just invisible.
Especially when scarfing down yummies in the corner.
Almost non-existant!


SMAKELIJK - TASTY

I was in the back of an eatery in Chinatown enjoying a really inexpensive but oh-so-good bowl of wonton noodle soup when the kids came in. About half a dozen of them clustered up at the counter and placed their orders, then waited for their food while those who had not had a chance to ask auntie (the women behind the register) if those cheungfan were really fresh, did she have chindeui, ooh that deep fried thing is what?, and other food related questions, made a tumultuous attempt to get theirs before others got anything.
Food is the consuming passion of all Cantonese.
Life without food would bore them to death.
It could be the only time they don't talk.
But it isn't; food fuels conversation.
Love and philosophy combined


One of the boys, who was probably only about twelve or thirteen, used his recently acquired skills in Mandarin to speak to one of the young ladies.
Who may have been a little older, though she didn't look it.

"Wah, siau-chieh, wo chen shee-wang neee!"
[嘩，小姐，我真喜歡你！ Oh, miss, I reeeaaally like you!]

To which, naturally, her response was "yee chwun!
[愚蠢！ Stoo-pid!]

This may have been the reaction he was looking for, as he continued.

"Neee shir hen piao-liang de, siau-chieh, wo siang chiau-la neeee!"
[你是漂亮的，小姐，我想交了你！ You are very beautiful, I wish to date you!]

Quite forward of him, and her reaction was appropriate: "chew szzzz!"
[去死！ Go die!]

He giggled.

"Chiau ni ah, tan lien ai gay wo!"
[求你啊，談戀愛給我！ I beg you, go steady with me!]

Her companions were openly grinning at this point, and his friends were equally amused, but it was evident that she didn't appreciate the attention. Even if it was in a mixture of nearly unintelligible text-book Mandarin and creative phonetic guesswork.
He seemed extraordinarily pleased with himself. Wow, that foreign language (Mandarin) is actually good for something, not just the evening news!

She restrained herself from smacking him a good one.

"Mei-li de nuerhhhhh!"
[美麗的女兒！ Bee-yoo-tee-full girlllllll]

She drew back to hit him.
Then the counterwoman stepped in.


"Hey! Fools! You're food is ready!"


She and her friends retired to a table with their delicious noodles. She was still grumbling, but the steaming bowl in front of her demanded her attention, and soon pacified her.

He got his plate and went to another table.
As he ate, I could hear him happily mumbling.

"Ah, siau myen-pau ah, wo chen sheewang ni" (啊，小麵飽啊，我真喜歡你 oh little bun ah, I really like you). "Ni de pi na-moh liu-liu hwa-hwa de, chen ke ai..". (你的皮哪麼溜溜滑滑的，真可愛... your skin is so smooth and silky, truly adorable...).

"Hen siang, hen mei, shirfun hao chir, chen bu kan..."

And at this point, I cannot figure out how to translate it.
Either "very fragrant (香), very beautiful (美)", or "very fresh (鮮), very tasty (味)".
And utterly delicious (十分好吃), truly cannot bear it (真不堪).
He may have been using Mandarin to obliquely "court", if that is the right word, one of his classmates. More likely he just wanted to irritate the spit out of her. After all, if you say it in Mandarin, you're not really saying it; it's just for funsies.

But he was utterly sincere when speaking to his food.


The girl and her tablemates waited till he had left before talking about serious matters. Then they all agreed that men were 噉麻煩, 好肉麻 (gam maa fan, ho yiuk maa - so irritating, very 'frazzle the flesh').
Gik-sei (激死), in fact.
Men were quite the most difficult thing on the planet.


I'm inclined to agree.

男人，真係茶煲。




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