JAPANESE FLUFFINESS

Dogs communicate by sniffing each other's private parts. Upon reflection, you are probably overjoyed that humans do not do so. Or maybe not; some people seem to veer in that direction anyhow. It makes cocktail parties insufferable.

The Japanese, being the most enthusiastically perverted people on the planet, are presently developing a mechanical strap-on dog tail that reads the wearer's mood and wags accordingly. It follows their invention of the electronic cat-ear headset, which does something very similar. The key term is 'Neurowear', which is also the name of the Tokyo company involved in this process.

I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea. I've spent an inordinate amount of time NOT showing what I feel, for the good of everyone's social order.
So have most other people.
Lurking in everyone's conscious is a side of us that can only be described as Monty Python's 'dirty vicar', a gentleman of the cloth whose most famous and inappropriate social utterance was the line "I LIKE TITS!".
Not, you will agree, the most diplomatic thing to say.
Most folks do not want to hear that, usually.
It's a poor conversation starter.


There are times when a person of the female persuasion MIGHT welcome that statement. One can imagine the circumstance, and in some ways both Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of Ghastly-Where-Ever come to mind. Not because there's any evidence that the men in those shows are fond of mammaries, but because milk-gland augmentation seems to be the singular praestation all the women on reality teevee share; it is their sole claim to fame. Well, twin-claims. Each one of them waves two.
One imagines a desperate yearning for appreciation.
Hence horrid behaviour and huge cleavage.
The men show remarkable restraint.
No one runs away in terror.
I've seen too much.


I actually do like tits. But not tanned, expanded, on teevee, and in yo' face. It's more of a quiet and restrained aesthetic thing. Venus rising from the half-shell, and stuff like that.


Still, back to the strap-on reactive tail. It seems dubious. For most males. Although if a woman were to wear one, it might actually give men a clue. Much of the time we run around wondering 'does she like me?', 'is it something I said?', 'do I have a shmutz?', or similar questions. Perhaps a strap-on tail would let us know "she wants to chase me like a rabbit and rip my throat out", or "she wants to sniff my but", and good things like that.


At the very least we'd know when to feed her.


Thank heavens for the Japanese.
They'll save us yet.




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