HEALTHY APPETITES

The other day I learned first-hand that eating an entire bag of Geneva cookies is, perhaps, not a brilliant thing to do. Yes, they are indescribably delicious, a veritable feast. Now convince your stomach of that.
Overindulgence is never a pretty feeling.
Self-control is always harder when there’s no one watching.

Another person might say “are you going to eat all of that, you selfish yet handsome middle-aged devil, you?”

Gallantly I would respond “no, of course not - may I offer you a cookie?”

Demurely the two of us would limit ourselves to three or four only, then fold over the edge of the bag to save some for later.
Instead, I was busy reading my complete lack of e-mails – no attempts to reach out and feel me up, no invites to orgies of limited and carefully chosen scope, no delightful people randomly suggesting that there might be perky nipples in my future..... and thoughtfully mouthing Pepperidge Farm Geneva cookies.
Ate the entire bag before I knew what had happened.

This was after a very big bowl of chunk tofu, bacon, mushroom, and zucchini noodle soup with gochujang (苦椒醬).

The noodles were broad rice stick, slick and easy to digest.

The cookies were the straw that cooked my goose.


"May I offer you a cookie?"


Crunchy sweet biscuit with a layer of dark chocolate and nut fragments. A substitute for a vibrant and rambunctious love life. Exciting and addictive.
Precisely similar to the female of the species with her bacon-cheddar fries, bucket of crispy chicken and ranch dressing, barbecue ribs, and a tub of marshmallow streusel ice-cream.
Somewhere there’s a woman with food smears on her chin, crumbs in her bed, and a bottle of creamy ranch dressing on the night stand. As well as a teddy bear or stuffed rabbit looking at her reproachfully, demanding to know whether it was worth it.
Stuffed animals are easily shocked by misbehaviour. They’re rather innocent.
That is why you must carefully take them to the other room at times.
Especially if you’re planning to do something really naughty.
Arrange them in front of the telly watching Dr. Who.
Comb your hair, and brush your teeth.

And only then call to have food delivered.

Whether it’s pizza or a big zesty bucket of wings, even toasty hot oven sandwiches from Bob and Bubba’s Bar-bee-Q Shack (melted cheese over pulled pork), please make sure that you have proper plates, a picnic blanket or tablecloth, and polished cutlery set out.
Your small huggable bedmates (in the teevee room) appreciate good dining habits.
No cleaned bones or shreds of coleslaw strewn among the sheets.
Have the hot-sauce and plenty of napkins handy.
And even a moist towelette.

Feel free to invite me over. I’m hungry, and I get along well with furry creatures.

I’ll wear a tie.


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