BOURBON AND ROMANCE

I really must stop hanging out with the cigar smokers. They're damaging my reputation for saintliness and clean living.
What with them being all dissolute and riotous.

Example: Just as Whippiedips answered his cellphone, a word for the male genital attachment was uttered very loudly. After his conversation was over, he chided Seeing Eye and Scottish Crust for using that word while he was on the line with his office - we all told him that it was best if he stepped out of hearing distance when answering calls - and followed that by boasting about his big, BIG cigar lighter. It's humongous!
So the next time he said "hullo?", Seeing Eye started yelling that "Whippie ALWAYS puts video cameras in the ladies room, Whippie always puts video cameras in the ladies room".

Whippiedips thanked him by remarking that it would be a miracle if he was still employed by the end of the day.

I had stepped away from the rowdy cigar smokers by that time.
We pipesmokers have an image to uphold.
We're blooming saints, is what.
You should know that.

"Cameras in the ladies room!"

Later, Whippie wished to discuss refined summer beverages and his own drinking preferences, so I explained the Henry Darger Cocktail to him.
Bourbon, dash of Grenadine, and a little Angostura over ice in a highball glass, filled up with ginger ale, cherry on top for the pervert.
Mild enough for a little girlie, strong enough for a big degenerate.
If you have a Hello Kitty Swizzle Stick, use it.

The conversation eventually slid off into "starter bourbon". Followed by a knowing comparison of Old Granddad, Old Crow, Urinal Cake, Ten High, and Evan Williams.
We complimented Whippie on knowing how each of those tastes.
Vast experience, as Scottish Crust confirmed, and something about face-planting.
Seeing Eye mentioned the time he had given his wife a bottle of Four Roses on Valentine's Day, then told her to drink three double shots and call it a bouquet.
They're still together after all these years.
She hasn't found anyone better.
Qué romántico.

I'm fairly certain that three double shots of Bourbon, especially the way San Franciscans pour, would render the drinker comatose.
They probably wouldn't be able to remember what they did the next morning. Not sure if that qualifies as 'romance'.....
Probably not even 'worthwhile face time'.
I prefer my dates sentient.

Seeing Eye often sleeps with a crash helmet on.

The trees are out to get him.

*    *    *    *    *    *

See, that's why I need to start avoiding cigar smokers.
They're a horrible influence.
Very bad men.

Quite unlike pipe smokers.


ADDENDUM

In answer to a friend who was curious, you should know that bikini briefs have a low waistband, French cuts have high leg openings canted forward, and High Cuts have deep leg openings more in-tune with a natural figure, as well as a waistband on the high side.
Bikini briefs look good on trim short women, French cuts are for slim yet curvaceous girls, and almost anyone can find high cuts that flatter them, even if they are overly statuesque drag queens on Polk Street.
Granny Panties are often suitable for overweight men.
But avoid loud patterns.

I was planning to post about food today.
But I got distracted.

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