RACCOONS, TOBACCO, AND VIETNAMESE COFFEE

There’s a direct correlation between porches and raccoon populations.
I am convinced of this. The reason being that anyone enjoying a nice bit of sunlight out on their back porch would naturally put out some snacks for the local wildlife, especially personable creatures such as raccoons.
Raccoons are far more likeable than marmots, chipmunks, squirrels, and possums.
The proof of my contention is the Deep South.
It’s totally filled with porches.
Tons! of raccoons.

Quod erat demonstrandum.

All of this came to me because I purchased a Vietnamese sandwich for lunch. And nothing approaches perfection more than a Vietnamese drip-coffee over ice afterwards.

[Bánh mì thịt nguội. I would have liked a Bánh mì xíu mại, or a bánh mì kẹp thịt ga. But those weren't an option. Nor was the coffee.]

You have to wait for the coffee to finish dripping through the filter device, which may take a while. Which is why they aren't suitable for early mornings, when you need that cup of jazz immediately, and want it warm in any case. But from around ten o'clock onwards till early evening, it is ideal.
Savouring the sandwich fills the dripping time.

And what better with a nice cold glass of coffee - condensed milk - ice cubes, than a pipefull of tobacco?

Except that this is San Francisco, and you have to smoke outside.

Which requires a porch.

I'm fairly certain raccoons would also appreciate Vietnamese drip-coffee. And unlike marmots, chipmunks, squirrels, and possums, raccoons are thoughtful creatures, who will take time to enjoy their food and drink.
Those other creatures simply scarf things down in a state of nervous tension, which causes acid indigestion and high-blood pressure. No wonder they're miserable and flighty. Their little tummies are upset, and they twitch.
There's no way they would be good company while I'm smoking a pipe.
Raccoons also have hands. Ergo they are much neater.
No mess, no crumbs, no spilled coffee.

Besides, I would rather not imagine a squirrel (or a marmot, or a chipmunk) wired on caffeine. Panic, tantrums, and jumping up and down. Immediately followed by smashing the glass and maniacal screaming. Or evil titters.
Inevitably, the cops would be called because the little bastard was creating a public disturbance and upsetting the neighbors. "Evil man, getting the furballs all wired to the tits - I told you he would lower property values by moving in!" Huh!
Whereas the raccoon might even want a smoke to go along with his or her beverage.
Perhaps a small cigarillo. No problem.

See? Raccoons, tobacco, and Vietnamese coffee.
They're logically connected.



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