At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


The other day I got into a discussion with a colleague about a subject near and dear to the hearts of many young men: Pornography.
Aside from the natural variations of choice and style, as well as the degree of explicity, we discussed the remarkable differences between the three major world powers of smut.

Those being, in no particular order, Japan, the United States of America, and Holland.

Where American purveyors of nasty images all tend to be coroners assistants, whose lighting and close-ups serve to highlight every gross detail of the repulsive corpses miraculously animated, the Japanese pornographic cameraman is essentially a food-photographer manqué, capturing his subject with all the love and affection for a luscious graphic presentation, something that will make the viewer want to touch, or at least continue observing and taking notes.

American filth is just that: filth. Every pimple, bruise, tattoo, and piercing, and every imaginable monstrosity combined, force one to talk sports or politics to imaginary people, nay, even flee the sparsely populated theatre - unclean, unclean!
Japanese porn, on the other hand, frequently leaves one remarkably hungry - thinking perhaps of a nice bowl of ramen with roast pork and surimi.
Or perhaps a plate of sliced peaches.
Mmm, juicy.

Dutch porn, alas, is almost entirely perversion. They do bestiality.
One would've thought that with their tradition of fine painting, they would manage something better.
Still life with nude farm girl, perhaps, or peasants disporting themselves on a sloop near a windmill.
Blonde with a plate of herring.

Large women and horses.

[Let me qualify at this point that this is all hearsay, or based on serious scientific papers published in reputable journals. This blogger has no personal experience with the subject at all, having spent the last three decades living in a cave. Nor would I watch such stuff.]

The French, Spanish, and Italians, as is well known, do not do pornography. They're far too busy chasing everything that moves to actually hold a camera.
The English aren't into sex, vastly preferring Facebook and other social networking sites, and the less said of German speakers, Slavs, and Scandinavians, the better.

Next up: Why the Animal Channel is banned in Holland, and the rise of Dutch dictionary sales in the Gulf.

Plus a helpful listing of Dutch words:
Kameel = Camel.
Geit = Goat.
Zeug = Sow.
Ooi = Ewe.
Teef = Bitch.

Final note: Avoid grill-rooms in Europe.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


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