LUNCH IN CHINATOWN

One of the great ironies of San Francisco is that a major thoroughfare running through Chinatown looks like it's named for an Irish racist, trouble maker, and all-round thug with a huge hatred for Orientals.
Involved in violence and complicit in murder, Denis Kearney was the leader of the Working Man's Party, which was described as "naught more than ignorant Celtic poltroons, illiterate, unwashed, and savage".
As I said, looks like it was named after him.
In actual fact the street was named after Stephen Watts Kearny, an army officer who served in the Mexican-American War, and became military governor of California. A man of solid New York - New Jersey antecedents.
No relation whatsoever to the aforementioned ignorant Celtic poltroon.
Literate, clean, and quite civilized.

Kearny versus Kearney - Scottish English versus Hiberno-English.
Please note the distinction.
Orthographic, yes, but significant.

Not that it makes much difference to me, seeing as I'll gladly piss on all of them while drinking their very fine liquor.

I am, in fact, what you would call a bigot. Not fond of the Scots (manufacturers of excellent whisky, superlative woolens, smoked fish of some sort that is very highly rated, and partan bree), the Irish (also excellent whisky, Guiness, and several lovely pig products), the English (formerly known for great tobaccos, strong tea, and the noble language we speak), the Dutch (herring, smoked eel, dry cigars, best cheese in the world), the Germans (I'm sure they're known for something, but I can't think of it at the moment), Belgians (best cooking in Europe, superlative beers), the French (wines, cheeses, fatty goose liver, arrogance, and perfume), the Italians, Spanish, Swiss....

And by 'not fond', what I really mean is "sod off, you foreign muck".

A sentiment which thrives primarily at this time of year, when so many of them have come to visit San Francisco.


THE SEASONAL PLAGUE

Contrary to what our whore-like hotel industry will tell you, most San Francisco residents do not really want you to leave your heart here. We'd rather you obediently trotted from Union Square to Fisherman's wharf, and left the very next day.

Having over a dozen of you lot argue with the cablecar gripman about the price of a ticket, while clusterfudging in the doorways and not letting anyone else on or off, might be construed by some of us as a nuisance that requires an exterminator.
Get. Out. Of. The Door. Way. You. Moron.

Taking photos of something is nice. Kindly do not block traffic while you do so. This city was not invented for your pleasure, some of us are trying to get from point A to point B.
I know you come from a flat boggy part of the world where nobody knows how to drive, but there are cars and buses that use our steep streets.

Speaking louder does not make us understand you any better. Try speaking English instead of Yorkshirese and Brogue. Many people in this city speak English, we actually use it to transact business and communicate with each other.
If you cannot manage that, please feel free to point at what you want and grunt heartrendingly.
The merchant will understand you.


And lastly.....

If you are NOT going to buy any food in any of the bakeries and take-out dim sum places in Chinatown, get out.

Standing around in a jabbering mass while pointing and asking stupid questions, and then not spending a penny, will not endear you to anyone.
Does NOT buying anything really require a committee?
Can you not decide beforehand that everything frightens you, and stay the hell out?
Is your culinary curiosity really limited to trembling at new prospects and bovine quacking?

Half a dozen of my favourite haunts in C'town were infested with you lot.
No, the ladies behind the counter do NOT understand German or French (or Cockney and West-Midlands), why would you think they did?
I was finally enjoying some pastries in peace and quiet at a lovely bakery down on Jackson Street, when more of you people came in.
Between the twenty of you, you spent one dollar and fifty cents. You chased an old lady out. An elderly uncle tried wading through the herd and nearly gave up, but fortunately the woman behind the counter saw him and yelled out "ah Wong sook ah, ney oi mat-ye ah? Ney tzoh, ney tzoh, ngoh loh pei nei!".
Between the ONE of him he outspent the twenty of you.

One person at least had the decency to leave a tip after using the bathroom.
I find it significant that he was Hispanic. From Mexico.
He also said 'thank you'.

There's probably no equivalent of that word in your languages, is there?


AFTERWORD

Yes, I actually enjoyed my lunch. And the coffee was excellent too. After the European Tourist Season is over, in another month, Chinatown will return to normal.
Meantime I need to purchase a few boxes of mooncakes, seeing as it's also that time of year.
I would've done that at the same time as I had lunch, but for some reason I forgot all about it.
Probably distracted.


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