At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


The other day I was treated to a rant about food. What spurred it was a discussion between two people who are in charge of arranging a feast at a yearly pool-party at which there will be very many nearly naked people disporting themselves.
Both in and out of the water, all afternoon, with refreshing beverages.

I too will be attending.
But I will be fully clothed.
Heck may freeze over before I show myself in the nearly nude to large numbers of cheerful wet inebriates.
I'll be watching, though.
I enjoy the sight of youngish well-built not fully clothed people frolicking while drinking many fine cocktails.

Now, the rant. Somebody had mentioned Vegans.
This awoke the ire of another person.

"Oh for crapsakes, don't make too much salad! Aaargh! Nobody eats that stuff, damned rabbits, they all say how NICE it was how beautiful yum yum but at the end of the day there wasn't enough meat and there's still piles and piles of frikkin' salad left over. Compost! Nothing more than limp danged compost! Can't even get ANYBODY to take it home! Poo. They clusterfudge around the bloody meat, and the medium meat, and the well done meat, and the steaming haunches and the roast, and there's NEVER enough meat with sauce, or juices, damned juices, or blackened fatty bits, everybody LOVES the meat!
You gotta have meat! Meat, meat, meat!"

The assertion was made that you have to have something for the Vegans.

"F the Vegans! Sour pasty-faced people with psychological problems, nobody HAS to be a Vegan, they just haven't gotten into contact with their nasty selves! If they just rubbed themselves all over with steak-sauce their problems would be over! Some of them are so seriously INTO leather restraint devices and punishment that they practically LIVE off dead animals in their bed, why not eat them? Are they trying to absorb the protein through spanking? It doesn't work, lord knows I've tried, all I got was damaged beef up my ass and throbbing thighs!"

Okay, you feel strongly about this.
We can tell.

"I'll tell you, when they're drunk, they're up there at the cutting board sopping up all the juices and digging into the piles of steaming flesh along with everybody else, it's WHAT they COME for! Hunks of raw meat dripping from their saggy jowls, hamburger from chin to scraggy crotch! The only thing missing is cheese and avocado! That Veganism drops as soon as they've gotten plastered, and when nobody's watching they'll down an entire tube liverwurst, shoving it into their greedy pursed white lips like there's NO tomorrow and it comes spurting out of their noses and eye sockets!
And every single one of them smells like liquid smoke!"

But surely some of them are sincere?

"And I'll tell you something else dammit!
The reason why that tofu tasted SO damned good was cause it was fried in bacon fat!"

The people in charge of the food wisely changed the subject, the anti-Vegan subsided, grumbling, into an intoxicated funk in his corner, and I went out to have a cigar.

The idea of tofu fried in fat intrigues me, though.
Bacon-wrapped beancurd. Sounds good.

Yeah, I'm definitely going to that party.

I'll keep an eye peeled for any undressed Vegans.

I wonder if those people sunburn.
Maybe they just melt.
Or fry in the heat.

The person who delivered the rant is in the food service industry.
He knows whereof he speaks.

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All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

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  • At 10:42 AM, Anonymous season-affective-disorderedly (but shouldn't that be season EFFECTIVE disorder?) amphibious said…

    Pool party? In this weather?

  • At 10:47 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Heated pool.
    Hot youth.
    Spirited beverages.

    Let the insanity begin.


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