COLLEGE STUDENTS AND CULINARY CHOICES

The young relative of a friend is graduating from college this year.
His father maintains that surely it must have been the best four years of his life - virtual independence, fascinating reading material, delightful co-eds, and beer-sodden parties!

Well dammit, he probably learned so much!

I had an opportunity to talk to the young gentleman in question recently.

Apparently, what he learned is 'cheese-whiz'.


He just wishes he had learned it sooner!


For the first year, he lived on pop tarts and pizza. Stale pizza, when you soak it in milk, becomes soft enough that you can eat it with a spoon.
By the second year he expanded his repertoire - including items as diverse as instant ramen and bac-o-bits.
Both of which, when soaked in milk, can be eaten with a spoon.

He explained that when you're studying, you need one hand free. Hence the spoon.
I had been wondering, but now I understood the paradigm.
Multi-tasking, making good use of the time.
The efficiency of texting and eating simultaneously.
Brilliant!


Third year: hot sauce. Makes the pop tarts taste different. Also works with instant ramen, and bac-o-bits.

It wasn't until the fourth year that he learned that everything tastes better with cheese-whizz.

Pop tarts, pizza, ramen, and bac-o-bits. Just spray on some yellow magic, and presto!

And you can eat it with a spoon!

Even his girl-friend likes it.


RICH CHEESY GOODNESS IN A CAN!

I have to think that there has to be a better basis for a relationship than a shared affection for cheese-whizz, but they're young.
At that age, appetites are a little coarse, tastes a little crude. Certainly, if they get married, I know what to get them. An entire pallet of the stuff. Enough to keep them in goo for a few years. If nothing else, it will keep them together.
It's better than relationship counseling.

She learned about cheese-whizz after spending several months in Thailand, where cheese is not that easy to come by. Smelly fish products yes, dairy no. When she came back she craved cheese. Bring on the flammable fromage, pile on the congealed mammary exudates!
Cheese!

She started spraying it on everything.
She eats it on her cereal in the morning. And take-out food from the local Chinese restaurant just tastes so much better with yellow glop on top, too.
Her favourite home-cooked meal is micro-waved beef stew with Doritos for texture, and cheese-whizz for taste.


At this point, I have to agree with the young man's father.

Yes, they did learn so much.


I'm not at all sure how useful their knowledge will be, and I quake at the thought of similar college-grads entering the work force.......
Lord only knows how this will change American culture, and what abominations their febrile minds will inject into popular discourse.
But I'm not exceptionally worried, despite the potential for societal casein-overload .
They'll probably die of exploding heart valves before too much damage is done.

Cheese-whizz.


AFTER WORD

Instant ramen soaked in milk, with cheese-whizz sprayed on top. It's spoonably good!
If you plan on sending your kid at college a care package, just remember: pop tarts, pizza coupons, bac-o-bits, hot sauce, and cheese-whizz.
It's up to him whether he pours beer or milk into the bowl.
I suggest both. Saves time.

For a treat, mix it all together, dunk it in beer-batter, and deep-fry it.


==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly: LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================