At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Thursday, May 06, 2010


Smile nicely. Sweet-talk them. Get them to take the bait. Lead them astray, and leave them with a smile on their face.

No, I'm not talking about seducing sweet little teenage girlies.

I'm talking about nice young men.

Over thirty five years ago, back when I was a nice young man - instead of the mean old fart I am now - I walked into a pipestore and bought my first briar. The arrogant snob behind the counter was so displeased at my spending money in his pristine establishment that it was several more months before I purchased any tobacco.
I cannot remember the name of that shop, and in any case I soon discovered a corner tobacconist run by a retired colonial military gentleman, where until I left Valkenswaard I would buy my weekly tin of Balkan Sobranie.
He knew more about cigars than about pipe-tobacco, but he was courteous and full of encouragement. That counts for a lot, as I'm sure you will understand.

Today, while I was smoking a bowlful at the local tobacconist, a young gentleman came in and shyly asked about pipes. Seeing as the owner had his hands full, I helped the virgin.
I showed him various examples (Savinelli, Peterson). We discussed relative qualities, smoking characteristics, keeping one's equipment clean, and packing the bowl. He bought his first pipe and his first pouch of tobacco, and I showed him how to pack it, light it, smoke it, and clean it.
He was positively beaming when I left.

Now, that's what your first pipe should be about: comforting words and a welcome to a new realm of experiences. You have the desire to engage in a delicious filthy habit. How splendid! Let us lure you in! We'll explain what fun awaits!

Those of us who are more experienced must guide you, gently, with encouraging tones.
We are keen to see how you develop; with the right prompting you will happily go through a variety of sultry Oriental mixtures or maidenly Virginias before settling on a particular mistress. Perhaps, like some of us, you will keep a few different blends on your desk, for those occasional lighthearted dalliances. And even, if you have the perverse tendencies that must be kept secret, an aromatic or two - for when you wish a little fragrant depravity.

For your information, this morning I was smoking Three Oaks, manufactured according to Tad Gage's recipe by McClelland Tobacco Company in Kansas City. It was delightful - smoky, resinous, variegated, with a delicate sweetness.
A vibrant mixture with a reek that reminded me of younger years.
I left the store with a smile on my face. Every morning should be so sunny.


NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.



  • At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Excuse the nonsequitor, but since "sweet little teenage girlies" and PINK, PINK, PINK are reoccuring themes at the Back of the Hill, I had some relevant news for you.

    It seems the tired old biddies of Code Pink , Nancy, Prerna, Toby, and Victoria and the younger more energetic biddie Rae have a new plan to keep there sad little organization in the public eye. Literally. They plan on getting nude for Palestine. But they don't actually want to do it themselves- they want nubile young things to do it, and they've been recruiting on campus.
    I can't help but wonder how the girls at the Muslim Students Alliance reacted to this request?

  • At 9:59 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    can't help but wonder how the girls at the Muslim Students Alliance reacted to this request?

    Perhaps by screaming and fainting. Group nudity is more of a sorority thing.

    If only the Codepinkers do it, it will make an excellent advertising poster for saddle grease. So I encourage it, mamesh.

  • At 10:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Code Pink getting Nude for Palestine????

    Save me!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • At 8:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The author is really cool. But some of the commentators are just posting stupid words.

  • At 3:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, possibly this post is not on topic but in any event, I have been browsing about your site and it looks really neat. It is easy to see I am creating a new blog and I am struggling to make it look great, and supply excellent subject matter. I have learned a lot here and I look forward to additional updates and will be returning.

  • At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Always glad to read amazing articles.. Will be back for more for sure! Thank you for sharing

  • At 3:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    There is evidently a lot to realize about this. I believe you made various nice points in features also.

  • At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am certain the four preceding commenters (all identifying themselves as 'Anonymous') will go far, and we will soon be hearing much more from them.

    And their stylish footgear.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Newer›  ‹Older