On my way to work this morning I realized what a blessing it is to be white. It triples my conversational possibilities with random Cantonese people.
If I were Cantonese, the conversation would revolve around food.
Because I am white and speak Cantonese, two more things get added:
1. "You should marry a Chinese girl."
2. "You should go and do business in China."
Some monolingualists fear that when speakers of other languages are not using English, they are talking about the nearest English speakers.
It's a form of paranoia that exaggerates the importance of the monolingual individual.
"They must be talking about me! Otherwise WHY wouldn't they use English! They are so secretive!"
Actually, they are speaking Cantonese because it's easier for them than English. And also because you aren't part of the conversation. Even if you spoke Cantonese, you probably wouldn't be included - do you know either of them?
And they're talking about food. You aren't food.
HO-M'HO SIK AH?
[好唔好食呀? / 好唔好食嘎? = 'Is it good to eat?']
It's a consuming passion, and a mark of a deep and enduring civilization.
Surely all cultured people know about cuisine?
If I were Cantonese, I too would have conversations that revolved almost entirely about food.
However...............
Being a white person who happens to speak some Cantonese, everyone in Chinatown comes up with the unique and delicious new idea that I should wed a woman of Chinese ancestry, and the similarly enchanting and unusual concept that I should go to China and make money.
These two shiny NEW conversational subjects more than make up for the fact that as a white person, I cannot be expected to talk intelligently about food.
It all balances out, you see.
DE LUXE VIRGIN
When you think about it, pipe terminology is distinctly queer. Billiard. Bulldog. Panel. Pear. Squashed tomato. Tiger stripe. Virgin, de lux...
6 comments:
Interesting! So ARE you gonna marry a Chinese girl?
And what do you two talk about, any way, seeing as you're not able to talk about food?
They are going to talk about money making ventures in China, of course.
Money making ventures in China involving women? How deliciously predaved! You must tell me more! I insist!
---Grant Patel
Oh baggery boolox! Still that beggary blosted comment moderation! I tell, you, my comments requirte no moderation. I shall be unmoderate! If I please.
Nooodge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---Grant Patel
I throw a rotten shrimp at you!
---Zonderbiff Gunthrous
Moderation? None required, or even practicable.
Spellcheck? Helpful, although it might to denature some of Patel Sahib's more depraved foamings-at-the-mouth.
Couldn't you just program your content moderation to let Mr. Patel's gibberish through instantly? I think we'd all be happier.
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