Very recently I wrote a post which may not have entirely pleased one of my regular readers. No, I shan't describe it for you, you must figure out for yourself which of my many beautiful posts it may have been. I thought it was both poetic and lyrical. But the content was, perhaps, the issue that divided......
The regular reader commented:
"Too much tobacco, too much flesh. I want to hear more about the armadillo and the naughty monkey. "
What can I say about the armadillo and the naughty monkey? The naughty monkey always sides with Savage Kitten, and the armadillo simply hangs around in my cubicle all day.
I suspect that when night falls the armadillo really wakes up and becomes active, as there are several photos of him messing with the desk of my most neurotically neat colleague, disturbing her carefully aligned file folders, chewing her pencils, and tapping away at her keyboard...... besides rooting around her desk-drawers and sniffing disdainfully at the picture of her little son.
He's also sat at the desk of the owner of the company. Photocopied his own butt. Danced provocatively on one of the engineer's desks, and fondled all the awards in the lobby.
The armadillo is no respecter of property. Clearly an anarchist.
Thank heavens the armadillo hasn't figured out how to use the phone yet.
Please imagine him calling up the armadillo phone-sex line in Texas (staffed by those zesty big-plated mamas before they become roadkill) - if he ever did that, we would discover him the next morning looking all blissed out, with a big silly grin all over his face. And drool all over the receiver.
Whatever phone he had used would have to be destroyed.
Oh wait. And never mind. I just sexed the armadillo. He's not a him, but a her.
[Either that or the taxidermist took a "shortcut".]
The monkey, on the other hand, keeps dialing up the SPCA to rat on me. But those are his only calls.
He'll probably never phone 976-LOVEAPE, as he is far too visually inclined. He needs to actually see the thick soft hair on those delicious she-monkey thighs and calves; merely having it described doesn't do diddly for him.
[Besides, I think he actually has some 'gender issues'. He IS wearing one of her silk shirts and a necklace...... ]
I just hope he never discovers porn. Or the Curious George books.
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THEIR NATURAL HABITAT
There are more dogs in this neighborhood than children. One very rarely sees people walking their children outside when one is, hypothetical...
6 comments:
Umm. Oh dear.
Maybe it was a bad request after all.
:)
Re: Bad requests:
If you encourage him to write about food, he'll print recipes for zebra.
Proceed with caution.
What's wrong with Curious George Books?
Nothing wrong with the Curious George books.... Just that they have illustrations of a delictely built simian of undetermined gender, with a pleasant smile.....
Very exciting, don't you think?
Either that, or he'd be insanely jealous that someone else gets so much press.
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