At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

FEMALE TROUBLE

Well, not really trouble. It's hard to describe. Correspondence would be a better term.
I have recent communications from three persons of the feminine gendricity.
In their own way, each provides food for thought.
Which I am happy to share with you.
Regurgitation is something I do.



DEAD SKUNK

The first one is from Bawi-ji, who wishes to persuade me to do a post about eating road kill, and provides a useful research link to that end:
http://www.chelseagreen.com/content/eating-roadkill-would-you/


There are no recipes there, but there are some useful pointers:

1. If it is covered in flies or maggots or other insects it’s probably no good.
2. If it smells like rotting flesh it’s probably spoiled.
3. If its eyes are clouded over white it’s probably not too fresh.
4. If there are fleas on the animal there’s a good chance it’s still edible.
5. If it’s completely mangled, it’s probably not worth the effort.
6. Rigor mortis sets in pretty quickly. [] There’s no reason to assume the animal is spoiled just because it’s stiff.



For people who are single, these pointers also apply to dates.

You probably know several people who have already put this into practice. Not everyone is picky.



HI, HOT HUNK

Little miss S. Chou writes to ask if I am the "hot hunk of middle-aged man-flesh" she "saw smoking a pipe on Pacific Avenue a few days ago, the dude with the fetching goatee and elegant pervert coat".

Yes. Yes that is me! What a charming description. We should meet for coffee and a snack.

She then says "you look exactly like Gonzo the Great from the Muppet Show! Pointy little head!"

Um.
On second thought...........



DUCT TAPE - IT'S NOT JUST FOR HAMSTERS

A friend asked that I research a company at which a relative may be soon job-interviewing.
Is it legit, do they have a good reputation, what exactly do they do?

Well, they are big in penises. Very big.

Specifically, they manufacture external devices, catheters, and clamps. They are well regarded, and urologists love them. Medicare covers their primary product because they are a safe form of treatment. Their cunning device helps clear arteries, which may in turn restore such to their natural elasticity. This allows a more normal blood flow into the penis........

On the other hand, stay away from the clamps.

Such devices are a very unsafe method for the management of urinary incontinence, and clamping off an insensate penis so tightly as to occlude the urethra is quite dangerous. Penile gangrene is not unknown.



ENDING REMARK

So in conclusion, dear readers, do please communicate with the women in your lives. How else will you find out about important matters such as pavement-pizza, Frackles, and problematic penile elements?
These are, in my vast experience, matters very dear to the female heart.

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4 Comments:

  • At 7:50 PM, Blogger DEATH BY NOODLES said…

    Too much information. I did NOT need to know about things for the willie. OR eating roadkill.

     
  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger GRANT!PATEL! said…

    Are you comparing troubles females to dead skunks and occluded urethras? Perverse.


    ---Hunk Pondralley

     
  • At 12:00 PM, Blogger GRANT!PATEL! said…

    And WHO, preciseley and approximately, is the "Little Miss Chou" of whom you speak?

    Dare I say the word "panties"?


    ---Jocko Wanderingghost

     
  • At 1:05 PM, Blogger Spiros said…

    Hot hunk of middle-aged man flesh=Gonzo the Great?

     

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